Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hear ye, hear ye

"You've got an opinion, but do you have what it takes to be heard? "

Let's be honest. The MWBT&PC is an opinionated bunch. That's clearly implied in the Brain Trust part of the charter. The question is, are we as good as we think we are?

The Washington Post is hosting an essay competition titled "America's Great Next Pundit" (the title alone shows how desperate they are for new talent). I think this is a great opportunity to get some national exposure for the MWBT&PC. Each member should enter this competition. The WP will start by choosing ten finalists, and clearly, there is a great chance that all of us make it to this next round.

So, the gauntlet is thrown. I challenge each and every one of thee to enter the AGNP competition at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/pundit-contest/index.html

May the best brain trustee win....

"I've got a new game. Everybody dies." - Jimmy Detillo

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Rapid Fire Pittsburgh News 9/16

Item:  Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, famous for a variety of blunders from remarking on "Man on Dog" sex to involving the government in the Terri Schiavo case, has announced his presidential aspirations for the 2012 election.  With the nation underwhelmed by the announcement, I am reminded of Dan Savage's coining of the term "santorum" to refer to the bodily excretions resulting from anal sex.  

Item:  Twenty-two members of a drug smuggling ring, including 9 American Airline employees have been arrested for drug smuggling out of Luiz Munoz Marin International Airport in San Juan Puerto Rico.   Lady Rivera has yet to comment.  Puerto Rican!

Item:  Break out your Captain America suits!  (Oh, am I the only one that has one of those?)  Pittsburgh City Council has rejected its ban on masks during the upcoming G20 summit.  Now I can greet those world leaders in style.

Item:  Steelers' Safety Ryan Clark on the fence about whether or not to play in Denver.  After losing his spleen, gall bladder, and thirty pounds during his last trip to Mile-High Stadium, Clark also found, in his own words, that "my lungs had filled, my kidneys were dented, and my stomach was closing."  And he's unsure whether he'll make a return appearence.  Now that's what I call Stillers football!  Guy damages most of his organs due to Denver's rarified air sparking an existent blood condition, and he still might go back and play!  Dude's tough!  or dumb.  

"You have two choices here:  You either put the guns down... or we all start shooting."
~Tom Hardy

By Lord Johnson

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Three Rivers hates Pittsburgh

CBS, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that it would be a great idea to have the first episode of their hit new organ transplant drama "Three Rivers" air at the exact same time as the Pittsburgh Steelers Sunday night game against the San Diego Chargers.

On October 4th, 2009, Pittsburgh residents, at home and abroad, will have the option of switching over from a huge Sunday night game for their beloved Steelers to an organ transplant drama supposedly taking place in that which boasts three rivers. Their alternative is to keep watching the game. If you are a true Pittsburgher, and lover of the greatest city in the Northern Hemisphere, then you really have no option. CBS obviously cares not for our city and is only interested in national viewership, as they hope to rake in lots of advertising revenue by appealing to our country's collective interest in organ donation, as evidenced by the sense of civic duty one has when showing another that their driver's license says "Organ Donor."

The problem is that CBS has alienated the only guaranteed viewership that they have - the people in the greatest city in Western Pennsylvania. (Well, I guess there is also that Avie person that admonished us for failing to mention that Alex O'Loughlin was a kind and gentle man.) Even if the show ends up being terrible, Pittsburgh residents would still tune in religiously as we love supporting anything positively associated with the greatest city in North America. CBS may think they'll be OK because they can still tap into the non-Steelers fans in Pittsburgh, but little does CBS know, such a thing does not exist, at least not to my knowledge.

On the eve of a major Sunday night game there is no way the people of Pittsburgh, the greatest city in the North Temperate Zone, will tune in to watch the 'kind and gentle' Alex O'Loughlin.

Pittsburgh would rather watch this guy

. . . who is neither kind or gentle.

"Three Rivers" can keep their organs, hastily being carried down hallways in lunch box coolers, because it is obvious that their hearts do not bleed Black & Gold (actually it's more of a neon yellow, but that's not important).

"Maybe you need a drink. It'd ease the pain of being wrong."

- Tom Hardy

- Kernel & Captain

Friday, September 11, 2009

Poll Results: Pick your River

The Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club has voted!  

Which River would you put YOUR houseboat on?
14% voted for the Allegheny;
14% voted for the Ohio;
and an overwhelming 71% voted for the muddy banks of the Monongahela!

It is no surprise that one would like to dock their aquatic living arrangements on the Allegheny.  Allegheny is commonly translated from the Native American Lenape as meaning "fine river."  Though others assert that Allegheny actually derives from a legendary tribe that the Lenape spoke of called the Allegewi that lived along its shores.  Apparenly the whole region of tributaries that flow into the Allegheny river was known as Alligewinenk, meaning "a land into which they came from distant parts."  It is believed that this is the river where Tom Hardy docked his houseboat, in the vicinity of Herr's Island, nowadays commonly referred to as Washington's Landing.  

The Ohio begins at the confluence of Pittsburgh's two other mighty rivers and eventually flows into the Mississippi.  Ohio comes from the Seneca word that means "large creek."  Unfortunately a state in our union also shares its name with this river.   I bet that's why it did not receive as many votes.

The clear favorite was the Monongahela river.  This muddy bottomed river is extraordinary.  It is navigable for its entire length, and is the longest navigable river in the world which flows North.  Monongahela comes from the Native American word "Mechmenawugihilla" (which is a really sweet word!) meaning "high bank, which is ever washed out and therefor collapses."  Due to this etymology it seems questionable if docking along its shores would be a wise move, though I often see barges docked there with no ill effect.  I'd put a house-boat there.

Thanks for voting everyone.  Stay tuned for the MWBT&PC coverage of the G20 world leaders in coming weeks as we hold an elimination tournament called the Battle for G1.

"Well Bob, he's either putting them in the Allegheny or the Monongahela... That narrows it down."
~Tom Hardy

By Lord Johnson

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Best Cop Poll Results

Again the poll has been pirated.

Who is the Best Cop Now?
Tom Hardy- 11%
Jimmy Detillo- 0%
Emily Harper- 11%
Nick Detillo- 0%
Eddie Eiler- 66%
Vince Hardy- 11%

So Eddie Eiler is single handedly voted as the Best Cop Now. (Thanks Pipe Von Pipenstein.)  This despite him being a mediocre detective, who obviously ignores facts and evidence,  and never nabbed the Polish Hill Strangler.

Tom Hardy, the clear choice for Best Cop Now, received only 11% of the vote.  This despite actually nabbing the Polish Hill Strangler [P.H.S.], and ending the fight by actually saying "Who's the Best Cop Now?" before tasering him in the mouth.

Nobody voted for Jimmy Detillo, despite his numerous utterings of the phrase.

Emily Harper, a.k.a. Jo Christman received 11% of the vote.  In all fairness she is key in nabbing the P.H.S.  She is also really good at racial profiling.  Though her relationship with Tom Hardy is a bit questionable, since she is supposed to be investigating him.  

Uncle Nick received no votes.  Too bad.  Great Mustache!

And Vince Hardy received 11% of the vote.  He did have an opportunity to take down the P.H.S but was cut down in the prime of his life before he had the chance.

Eddie Eiler!?!  Really?  

"You cheat good."
            ~Tom Hardy

by Lord Johnson