Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club

Beard of the Day

2011-12-19T00:27:00.000-05:00

Another relative circa 1890's PA.

Sweet Beard.

Beard of the Day

2011-12-15T00:41:00.000-05:00

This guy sure has an old-schooly beard. I have no idea who he is/was, but he is a relation of mine on my mother's maternal grandmother's side. This photo is circa 1898.

M.W.B.T. & P.C. Beard Mandate October 2012

2011-10-25T12:04:00.004-04:00

Get Started On Your Beards. Failure To Grow A Mandated Beard Will Result In Censure.

Ode to Chairman Tom

2009-10-21T21:26:00.005-04:00

Our compatriot, Chairman Tom, spent a few glorious months visiting the old stomping grounds of the sacred domain and its surrounding areas. He successfully completed his first scouting mission in S. Korea involving the MTBT&PC's secret plans to expand internationally. He now plans to move on yet again to Prague, and other areas of central Europe, to further his mission of finding other sacred domains all in the name of the MTBT&PC's secret plans of world domination. I've said too much, we will never speak of this again. We owe a lot to the Chairman and we wish him safe travels.

In his honor, a haiku has been prepared . . .

Flew From Korea

Taught Us A New Slapping Game

Then Left, Jokes On Us

- Captain

Three Rivers: One Stupid Show

2009-10-06T20:17:00.009-04:00

So . . . while most of Pittsburgh watched the Steelers destroy the Chargers (then let them back into the game, only to destroy them a second time in the waning moments), I chose to stand by my civic duty, and loyalty to the Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club, and engage in the viewing of Three Rivers - for research purposes only. And I do mean research purposes only because there was absolutely no redeeming quality to this show.

Immediately upon the start of the episode I was pissed off because the very first shot of the show was of a city skyline. Not the Pittsburgh skyline mind you, but Cleveland's. Cleveland?! Of all the cities in the world for a guy to take a fall in a construction site, become legally brain dead, and have adequate organs for transplantation!

However, our fearless leader, the Captain, pointed out that having a Pittsburgh based show centered around harvesting organs from Cleveland, for the benefit of Pittsburgh transplant patients, wasn't a bad idea. I digress. The show went on to feature some of the most obnoxious characters and ridiculous story lines ever to grace our televisions . . . and I watch Grey's Anatomy.

A man and his pregnant wife came to the "world's best transplant hospital" because the man fell and bumped his head while painting the nursery (someone really needs to tell him about MedExpress). It was at this time that his pregnant wife collapsed and low and behold she happens to be in need of a heart transplant. How convenient! Fortunately Andy Yablonski, #1 cardiac surgeon in the world, and former Mt. Washington riff raff, is available and on the case (And he wears future shirts!)

The transplant team quickly descends upon Cleveland to get the brain dead guy's heart. Oh, but wait, his family is having second thoughts. So what's the new transplant coordinator do? He verbally attacks the family and informs them this heart is going to a pregnant lady (HIPPA anyone?) Boy, he has a lot to learn. Anyways, they get the heart, the pregnant lady crashes for a bit, the baby is born early, and they are now unsure how much damage to her brain occurred when she crashed. Then her clumsy husband said, "We were just going to paint the nursery and watch the Steelers today."

Dr. Andy seamlessly puts in her new heart and very shortly after he beckons her out of her coma with his soothing voice. (And the girl looks good after the traumatic day she had just gone through!) She inquires about her baby and Dr. Andy puts the TV on in front of her which allows her to see and communicate with her husband and new baby. Keep in mind, they were unsure if she was going to wake up after surgery due to possible brain damage, so I guess they told the husband, "Hey, if you don't see us on the TV, then assume your wife is brain dead." Nice. There was some other crap that happened during the premiere episode of Three Rivers but I have already talked about this show way too much.

"Well Bob, he's either putting them in the Allegheny or the Monongahela . . . That narrows it down" - Tom Hardy

Kernel

Hear ye, hear ye

2009-09-29T11:03:00.005-04:00

"You've got an opinion, but do you have what it takes to be heard? "

Let's be honest. The MWBT&PC is an opinionated bunch. That's clearly implied in the Brain Trust part of the charter. The question is, are we as good as we think we are?

The Washington Post is hosting an essay competition titled "America's Great Next Pundit" (the title alone shows how desperate they are for new talent). I think this is a great opportunity to get some national exposure for the MWBT&PC. Each member should enter this competition. The WP will start by choosing ten finalists, and clearly, there is a great chance that all of us make it to this next round.

So, the gauntlet is thrown. I challenge each and every one of thee to enter the AGNP competition at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/pundit-contest/index.html

May the best brain trustee win....

"I've got a new game. Everybody dies." - Jimmy Detillo

Rapid Fire Pittsburgh News 9/16

2009-09-16T12:49:00.009-04:00

NEWS

Item: Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, famous for a variety of blunders from remarking on "Man on Dog" sex to involving the government in the Terri Schiavo case, has announced his presidential aspirations for the 2012 election. With the nation underwhelmed by the announcement, I am reminded of Dan Savage's coining of the term "santorum" to refer to the bodily excretions resulting from anal sex.

Item: Twenty-two members of a drug smuggling ring, including 9 American Airline employees have been arrested for drug smuggling out of Luiz Munoz Marin International Airport in San Juan Puerto Rico. Lady Rivera has yet to comment. Puerto Rican!

Item: Break out your Captain America suits! (Oh, am I the only one that has one of those?) Pittsburgh City Council has rejected its ban on masks during the upcoming G20 summit. Now I can greet those world leaders in style.

Oh yeah, I have a Spidey-suit too!

Item: Steelers' Safety Ryan Clark on the fence about whether or not to play in Denver. After losing his spleen, gall bladder, and thirty pounds during his last trip to Mile-High Stadium, Clark also found, in his own words, that "my lungs had filled, my kidneys were dented, and my stomach was closing." And he's unsure whether he'll make a return appearence. Now that's what I call Stillers football! Guy damages most of his organs due to Denver's rarified air sparking an existent blood condition, and he still might go back and play! Dude's tough! or dumb.

"You have two choices here: You either put the guns down... or we all start shooting."

~Tom Hardy

By Lord Johnson

Three Rivers hates Pittsburgh

2009-09-13T18:50:00.008-04:00

CBS, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that it would be a great idea to have the first episode of their hit new organ transplant drama "Three Rivers" air at the exact same time as the Pittsburgh Steelers Sunday night game against the San Diego Chargers.

On October 4th, 2009, Pittsburgh residents, at home and abroad, will have the option of switching over from a huge Sunday night game for their beloved Steelers to an organ transplant drama supposedly taking place in that which boasts three rivers. Their alternative is to keep watching the game. If you are a true Pittsburgher, and lover of the greatest city in the Northern Hemisphere, then you really have no option. CBS obviously cares not for our city and is only interested in national viewership, as they hope to rake in lots of advertising revenue by appealing to our country's collective interest in organ donation, as evidenced by the sense of civic duty one has when showing another that their driver's license says "Organ Donor."

The problem is that CBS has alienated the only guaranteed viewership that they have - the people in the greatest city in Western Pennsylvania. (Well, I guess there is also that Avie person that admonished us for failing to mention that Alex O'Loughlin was a kind and gentle man.) Even if the show ends up being terrible, Pittsburgh residents would still tune in religiously as we love supporting anything positively associated with the greatest city in North America. CBS may think they'll be OK because they can still tap into the non-Steelers fans in Pittsburgh, but little does CBS know, such a thing does not exist, at least not to my knowledge.

On the eve of a major Sunday night game there is no way the people of Pittsburgh, the greatest city in the North Temperate Zone, will tune in to watch the 'kind and gentle' Alex O'Loughlin.

Pittsburgh would rather watch this guy

. . . who is neither kind or gentle.

"Three Rivers" can keep their organs, hastily being carried down hallways in lunch box coolers, because it is obvious that their hearts do not bleed Black & Gold (actually it's more of a neon yellow, but that's not important).

"Maybe you need a drink. It'd ease the pain of being wrong."

- Tom Hardy

- Kernel & Captain

Poll Results: Pick your River

2009-09-11T14:13:00.005-04:00

The Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club has voted!

Which River would you put YOUR houseboat on?

14% voted for the Allegheny;

14% voted for the Ohio;

and an overwhelming 71% voted for the muddy banks of the Monongahela!

It is no surprise that one would like to dock their aquatic living arrangements on the Allegheny. Allegheny is commonly translated from the Native American Lenape as meaning "fine river." Though others assert that Allegheny actually derives from a legendary tribe that the Lenape spoke of called the Allegewi that lived along its shores. Apparenly the whole region of tributaries that flow into the Allegheny river was known as Alligewinenk, meaning "a land into which they came from distant parts." It is believed that this is the river where Tom Hardy docked his houseboat, in the vicinity of Herr's Island, nowadays commonly referred to as Washington's Landing.

The Ohio begins at the confluence of Pittsburgh's two other mighty rivers and eventually flows into the Mississippi. Ohio comes from the Seneca word that means "large creek." Unfortunately a state in our union also shares its name with this river. I bet that's why it did not receive as many votes.

The clear favorite was the Monongahela river. This muddy bottomed river is extraordinary. It is navigable for its entire length, and is the longest navigable river in the world which flows North. Monongahela comes from the Native American word "Mechmenawugihilla" (which is a really sweet word!) meaning "high bank, which is ever washed out and therefor collapses." Due to this etymology it seems questionable if docking along its shores would be a wise move, though I often see barges docked there with no ill effect. I'd put a house-boat there.

Thanks for voting everyone. Stay tuned for the MWBT&PC coverage of the G20 world leaders in coming weeks as we hold an elimination tournament called the Battle for G1.

"Well Bob, he's either putting them in the Allegheny or the Monongahela... That narrows it down."

~Tom Hardy

By Lord Johnson

Best Cop Poll Results

2009-09-01T15:08:00.003-04:00

Again the poll has been pirated.

Who is the Best Cop Now?

Tom Hardy- 11%

Jimmy Detillo- 0%

Emily Harper- 11%

Nick Detillo- 0%

Eddie Eiler- 66%

Vince Hardy- 11%

So Eddie Eiler is single handedly voted as the Best Cop Now. (Thanks Pipe Von Pipenstein.) This despite him being a mediocre detective, who obviously ignores facts and evidence, and never nabbed the Polish Hill Strangler.

Tom Hardy, the clear choice for Best Cop Now, received only 11% of the vote. This despite actually nabbing the Polish Hill Strangler [P.H.S.], and ending the fight by actually saying "Who's the Best Cop Now?" before tasering him in the mouth.

Nobody voted for Jimmy Detillo, despite his numerous utterings of the phrase.

Emily Harper, a.k.a. Jo Christman received 11% of the vote. In all fairness she is key in nabbing the P.H.S. She is also really good at racial profiling. Though her relationship with Tom Hardy is a bit questionable, since she is supposed to be investigating him.

Uncle Nick received no votes. Too bad. Great Mustache!

And Vince Hardy received 11% of the vote. He did have an opportunity to take down the P.H.S but was cut down in the prime of his life before he had the chance.

Eddie Eiler!?! Really?

"You cheat good."

~Tom Hardy

by Lord Johnson

Poll Results

2009-08-24T15:36:00.004-04:00

The Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club was polled:

Which victim of the Polish Hill Strangler was most tragic?
Arlene Dunn- 0%
Cheryl Putnam- 14%
Paula Puglusi- 0%
Constance (Connie) Cabrizi- 57%
Kim Lee- 28%

Striking Distance fans have voted! And the overwhelming result (or poll tampering on the part of Pipe von Pipenstein) is that flight attendent and former love interest of Tom Hardy, Constance "Connie" Cabrizi was believed to be the most tragic of the losses incured by the notorious Polish Hill Strangler in the blockbuster action-drama-mystery Striking Distance. Strangely, she only appears twice in the film, once when being pulled from the river, and again in an autographed photo, which is a tad strange because she was a flight attendent. How come none of my flight attendents nor love interests ever get me autographed photos? (Sally Wiggin aside.) The overwhelming support of "Connie" from our voters was likely due to the tearful reaction of our protagonist Tom Hardy. He knew the other girls that he pulled from the icy embrace of Pittsburgh's waterways, yet had the most emotional response toward Constance. She must have meant something special to him. He even called her "Connie."

Not surprisingly Arlene Dunn received no votes. She was an indentified victim of the Polish Hill Strangler's first wave of terror. She did not physically appear in the film, though Sally Wiggin does mention her.

Cheryl Putnam, received a small portion of the vote, most likely due the graphic protrayal of her kidnapping while being taunted by a remote-control Police Car and listening to the 1966 hit "Little Red Riding Hood," by Sam the Sham and the Pharohs. This opening scene fades out as her lifeless body is thrown over damn number 6 on the Allegheny River.

Paula Puglosi received no votes. This is awfully surprising because she is one of the only victims with lines in the film. Struck down by that dastardly TASER after leaving her nursing shift, she never even made it to the Bucco's game.

Kim Lee rightfully received 28% of the vote. Her character was developed to a minor degree, and had some great one-liners ("kinda like when you turn it off;" "Not what you'd expect;" etc.) Her death raises some questions like, did she at one time have a relationship with Hardy? This is much debated amongst Striking Distance Scholars.

Thanks for voting (not poll tampering). A new poll will go up later this week, and suggestions for future polls are appreciated.

"He's putting them in the water so I'll find them! He wants ME to find these girls!"
~Tom Hardy

By Lord Johnson

Pittsburgh Hero: Sally Wiggin

2009-08-17T14:54:00.011-04:00

Rarely do a city's local newscasters earn the accolades, adoration, and the legendary status of this week's Pittsburgh Hero: Sally Wiggin.

I was going to write an intricately researched and detailed profile of our city's favorite TV personality... but instead have decided to write a post based largely on vague perceptions and personal experience, in hopes of capturing the mystique and myth that is Sally Wiggin.

Sally has worked the Channel 4 Action News desk for nearly 30 years.

Throughout her career, Sally has been a font of journalistic integrity and award winning stories. Watching Sally for years, I remember her receiving a number of awards in the eighties and nineties specifically a Golden Quill award, and some others that I can't remember off-hand. In her extensive experiences at WTAE, she has covered serious topics as an anchor in the evening and lunchtime news, as well as conducting prominent interviews with local sports celebrities from Hines Ward to Myron Cope.

A woman after my own heart, Sally has an honesty in reporting that is unparalleled in modern media, but also displays an extensive knowledge of both Steelers football and Penguins hockey. She also has a sharp tongue and an irreverent wit. This is often wonderfully highlighted on the occasions in which she fills in on the WDVE Morning Show with Jim & Randy on 102.5 FM. Who knew she is quite so hilarious? Indeed, Sally Wiggin is the full package.

An avid dog lover and owner, Sally is also highly active in the community.

Sally is involved with a number of charities and cultural institutions. She is a member of the Pittsburgh's Zoo's Board of Directors, and attends many of their fund-raising events. Below, Sally is in an astounding Leopard-print dress that she wore to the 2007 Zoo Gala, where I was lucky enough to meet her.

I have seen Ms. Wiggin before from afar, as she flew by in an Action News Van, or rode through the town of Ligonier for their annual "Fort Ligonier Days Parade." But at the zoo, we came face to face right in front of the elephant enclosure. In that dress, she stole the spotlight from even the animals. She looked amazing. My unabashed crush on her could not over come the intimidation of actually seeing her in person. She was larger than life. I was star-struck. Sally looks even better in person than she does on the screen. (I know!?! Is that even possible?!?) And she has graciously refused all but the most minor of plastic surgeries, to which many weaker stars succumb much earlier in their careers. I hope this is a life choice she continues to honor.

Sally has maintained her status as a local icon even while local news outlets and newspapers struggle under tough economic conditions. Her name is recognized across Western Pennsylvania, and her visage has even become a hipster staple on T-shirts and merchandise, such as in the examples below from Marginal Designs.

I want one.

But her most striking and career topping role came in 1993 when she was prominently featured in Rowdy Harringon's Pittsburgh action-drama-mystery "Striking Distance." Sally is featured early in film describing the circumstances which puts Bruce Willis' character Tom Hardy on the outs with the Detillos. If you reference Sally Wiggin in IMDB.com, despite her daily appearances on the small screen, one film and only one film comes up... Striking Distance! Awesome!

Thank you, Sally Wiggin. Thank you for being an example of a strong female role model and an image of comfortable class and dignified cheekiness. You have given Pittsburghers an example of grace and intelligence for all of us to aspire towards here in the "Best City in the World." May you stick around for many years to come.

Below are Sally's lines from Striking Distance...

"...Police Department, zone one, Sergeant Roberts.

The Polish Hill Strangler has claimed a fourth victim.

The nude body of Arlene Dunn was recovered from the Ohio River.

Police had been alerted to the crimes by the killer, who taunts them by playing the song "Little Red Riding Hood".

The police brutality trial of Detective Jimmy Detillo is over.

Detillo was convicted for the beating of Leon Watson. Watson remains in a coma.

The key to the conviction was the testimony of Detillo's partner and cousin Thomas Hardy.

Hardy testified that his partner used unwarranted force..."

       ~Sally Wiggin

by Lord Johnson

More Three Rivers

2009-08-17T14:11:00.010-04:00

The crew from the upcoming CBS Medi-drama "Three Rivers", were back in our fare city to film some scenes for the series which airs this fall. This show, set in Pittsburgh, (the Best City in the Hemisphere,) had the cast and crew back in Pennsylvania for first time since shooting the pilot, which has since been scrapped and reshot on an LA sound stage.

Acclaimed actor (at least acclaimed by that one girl who posted a comment) Alex O'Loughlin will play transplant surgeon Dr. Andy Yablonski who grew up in the Polish section of Mt. Washington between Cestone's Pizzeria and the Abbots' house on Virginia Avenue, (Ok, I embellished that part a tad, but he really is supposed to be from Mt. Washington.) He now works at Three Rivers Memorial Hospital [Thanks Peak] located on the North Side between Heinz Field and PNC Park.

During one of the scenes filmed over the weekend another character named Eddie Eiler (not really) yells at him:

"You may work across the river now, but I know where you came from. Remember that!"

Obviously referring to growing up in such close proximity to so many Abbot girls, and the horrible lifestyle disparities between Mt. Washington and the North Side!?!

While in town, O'Loughlin was filmed doing some very Pittsburgh-like activities, such as playing Rugby with Pittsburgh Rugby Club...

and hanging out in the Southside, where he also ate a Primanti Brothers sandwich.

O'Loughlin also wooed his bread n butter 'Burgh fans by saing:

"I love the surrounding areas of the city. It's a beautiful part of the world."

However he was also caught doing some very Un-Pittsburgh-like things. Such as disparaging our city's official cuisine:

"I've had all the obvious stuff like Primanti Brothers and all that stuff, which is disgusting and fun but you never want to do it more than once."

He was also caught doing the VERY Un-Pittsburgh-like thing of spraying himself with Evian mist:

So all in all, our Three Rivers actor seems to deserve a mixed rating in the pre-season.

"I knew the guy was white and very tall. I started checking out basketball courts near the campus. From the pictures I took of the white players, she identified him."

~Jo Christman (a.k.a. Emily Harper)

By Lord Johnson

Rapid Fire Pittsburgh News

2009-08-12T10:59:00.009-04:00

One Man Saves Freedom

A Uniontown Bald Eagle (with the very original name "Freedom") is saved from fishing line. Read it here.

That sure does HERT!

A 22 year old Mt. Washington man is arrested and charged with 100 counts of graffitti... including some on MY GARAGE! His tag "HERT" will hopefully apply to his sentencing. That'll teach him. Read it here.

Arlen gets a facefull of this guy.

He really likes the current Health Insurance system. Click on the photo to see how much.

Cylcists v. Casino

Bicyclists hate to walk. That's why they took the Rivers Casino to task. Don't worry, Luke will fix it. All you have to do is tell on him. Read it here.

"Is there some meaning in all of this?"

~Tom Hardy

[Dude! Check out the sweet Striking Distance scene illustrated by Mario Zucca @ MarioZucca.com. That crazy cat and his fish breath! Oh, Bob.)

by Lord Johnson

Three Rivers

2009-08-06T10:08:00.008-04:00

CBS is launching a new show set in Pittsburgh this fall called Three Rivers. CBS describes it as

a medical drama that goes inside the emotionally complex lives of organ donors, the recipients and the surgeons at the preeminent transplant hospital in the country where every moment counts. However, dealing with donor families in their darkest hour and managing the fears and concerns of apprehensive recipients takes much more than just a sharp scalpel.

I have mixed feelings.

First, are they describing UPMC (the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center) as the "preeminent transplant hospital in the country"?!? That's pretty high billing. I assume they ain't talking about Allegheny General.

Secondly, I love anything set and/or filmed in Pittsburgh. While the show is set in the 'Burgh, it is not being shot here. The pilot was actually filmed in Pittsburgh, but due to terrible reviews and some cast changes, they are re-filming the first episode in their Burbank studios, and hoping for better results.

Three Rivers, as a title, is clever, though. It both refers to our "Best City in the Cosmos" Pittsburgh, as well as coyly referring to the three intertwined stories that each episode will feature: that of 1) the transplant physicians, 2) the organ recipient, and 3) the organ donor and family. These stories are supposed to be intertwined, much as the Allegheny and Monongahela mix their muddy waters in creating the Ohio... or some such nonesense. Oh well. Whether the show will be successful in implementing its goal or whether this medi-drama will be any good remains to be seen. I'm willing to give the show a chance, even though I hate medical shows. For example...

Scrubs makes my crotch itch after all these years of inane jokes and soliloquies; House makes me induce vomiting during the obligatory "blood unexpectedly splattering all over the place" scene in every episode; ER sucked as soon as Clooney left; I do remember liking St. Elsewhere, but who doesn't love Howie Mandel. I'm sure I'm missing some, but I bet I didn't care for them either.

The one reason I might give Three Rivers a chance is the name. There is a certain film that was supposed to be called Three Rivers (See above poster with rivers flowing in the wrong direction.) It was a tale of intrigue featuring a desperate river cop named Tom Hardy, seeking the Polish Hill Strangler, murderer of his father... for some unknown reason, the title of the film was changed in post-production to the non-sensical handle of Striking Distance. If this show is even half as good as Striking Distance, I'm in it for the long haul. But first lets see if it survives the fall line-up.

"You've got to give these things a chance, Tommy... That girl who works for Dutch is awful nice..."

~Vince Hardy

[Thanks to Mario Zucca for the Vince Hardy Illustration.]

by Lord Johnson

Second Chances?

2009-07-22T13:41:00.006-04:00

The city of Pittsburgh sure isn't acting like the "Greatest City in the World" this week.

Five city employees were fired this week, even though they performed their jobs well nor did anything wrong on the job. Their only crime was being a criminal.

The Pittsbugh Post-Gazette has been reporting this case for a fortnight, yet has failed to work-up its typical furor over the incident, probably realizing that in some fashion they were the catalyst for the firings of these hard-working city employees.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette made a hullabaloo in Rich Lord’s July 12 article “Pittsburgh’s Public Works lacking discipline consistency” wherein a city employee who was arrested for a drug charge in 2007 was later fired for the Bull-Shit reason that he failed to mark on his city employment application that he was charged with a felony in his youth. They should have just fired him for the drug thing, but there are protocols to deal with, so they used this much easier way: firing him for providing false info on his application. He complained, and rightfully so, that the city was acting inconsistently in firing him, because there were other city employees who were also convicted criminals who failed to 'check the felon box' on their employment applications and were still working for the city.

In the aftermath of the story, other news outlets demanded to see worker lists and background checks. The city and Mayor, in typical reactionary fashion, found six more convicted felons that failed to ‘check the felon box’ on their applications, and were originally all suspended. Five were fired Monday. (See Pittsburgh Dept of Public Works suspends no-tell payrollers, July 14.)

What’s crazy is that these firings come after quotes from city Operations Diretor Art Victor like:

"Certainly the public trust issue is something that we always consider," Mr. Victor said. "But again, you have to balance that against the fact that you can't discriminate against somebody just solely based on their history."

But that’s presicely what they have done, for the sake of consistency. And…

[the city] "can't have a blanket statement or blanket policy that we're not going to hire anybody who has a felony conviction. We would be consigning people to a life sentence for something that they've already paid the price for."

Exactly! As one of the fired workers said,

"My record is clean, even my city record. I've never even been late."

So the real question is…

"When is somebody's debt to society paid?" as asked by Teamsters Local 249 Vice President Joe Rossi, "Where do we draw the line?"

I say we draw the line at removing the “felon box” from city applications. There is a reason former felons don't check the felon box: They don't get hired! A small lie can mean the difference between a potential interview, and your application in the recycling bin. Public works isn’t out there providing child care or even handling money, or other high risk jobs. Public Works trims trees, collects garbage, paints, sweeps streets, drives trucks. These are not jobs that a criminal record should even be considered about. If somebody’s debt to society has been paid, it is our job as a society to help reintegrate them back into life. It’s the most rehabilitative thing we could do. I say re-hire the fired employees, and at a policy level, I say Ban the Box!

"They're gonna throw the book at him, Nick. Your son or not."

~Mr. Gunther, esq.

Pittsburgh Villain: Mary Worth

2009-07-21T15:32:00.006-04:00

So my campaign to bring Pearls Before Swine to the Sunday Comics Page of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette newspaper has so far been unsuccessful. We at the Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club have long complained about the continued presence of strips such as Mary Worth and Rex Morgan M.D. in the comics page. Meanwhile the humorous and irreverent social commentary on the lives of a Pig, Mouse, Crocodile and ‘Zeeba,’ as scribed by Stephan Pastis, fails to make the Sunday cut.

To quote Harry Liller “I’m amazed at what goes on!”

Mary Worth is boring. And Pearls Before Swine points this out in wonderful fashion in today’s strip [July 21, 2009.] Enjoy. (or click on the comic to have a link to the daily Pearls Before Swine site)

Ha! He puts her in a closet! That mouse is crazy!

So come on Post-Gazette! Drop Mary Worth, and replace it with Pearls Before Swine.

By Lord Johnson

Pittsburgh Villain: Eddie Eiler

2009-07-14T16:33:00.006-04:00

There are many great blog posts about the Pittsburgh Police Force and its valiant heroes: Noble men and women who put their lives on the line each and every day defending the innocent, protecting our streets and bringing justice to lawbreakers.

Unfortunately this post is not about one of those.

Below we will look at the complicated character that is Eddie Eiler. (Wow! What a great piece of original Striking Distance art graciously provided by Mario Zucca, who's work can be found at www.mariozucca.com)

Detective Eddie Eiler served the Pittsburgh Police Department for many years eventually rising to the rank of homicide detective. While his early years are shrouded in mystery, it is generally believed that his wife was unfaithful with his one-time partner. His animosity toward one Tom Hardy has lead some to infer that animosity between Eiler and Hardy stems back to an affair between Mrs. Eiler and Mr. Hardy. This is all conjecture and highly refuted by some Striking Distance scholars. Regardless, their antagonistic relationship would only intensify over the years.

The cuckolded Eddie Eiler allowed his bitterness to cloud his judgment regarding Tom Hardy’s actions as an officer years later when Hardy turned in fellow officer Jimmy Detillo. Hardy, bound by the family creed of “loyalty above all else… except honor” felt he had no choice but to testify against his cousin and partner for harshly interrogating a suspect. Indeed, the honorable Judge Helen Kramer would have sentenced Jimmy for conduct unbecoming an officer had he not thrown himself from the Sewickly Bridge.

Eddie Eiler so enraged by the apparent betrayal of a Pittsburgh police officer, took every opportunity to express his displeasure with good Mr. Hardy. His outbursts were frequent, and came in the form of verbal beratings and cheap shot punches at policemen galas. Apparently Eiler valued loyalty above even honor, when it came to the police force.

His final redeeming moment came at the end of the film. He offered himself up as a lamb ready to be sacrificed. But, alas, Tom Hardy is not the forgiving type.

"Nah, it wouldn't do any good. On the other hand..."

!!!!KAPOW!!!!

~Tom Hardy

By Lord Johnson

Details of a Boat Jump

2009-07-10T11:26:00.008-04:00

It warms the ol' pipe tobacco that there are other admirers of Striking Distance out there. I found this website that goes into great detail about the boats (Chris Craft Capris) used in the filming of the movie and some great little tidbits about the dramatic boat jump scene near in the final chase sequence. Did you know they actually had multiple boats take multiple jumps off of Dam #6 on the Allegheny River? I sure didn't. But I'm so glad I know now!

Enjoy this site at called Century Classic Power Boat, (I'm a little jealous we didn't call our site that actually) at http://www.centuryclassicpowerboat.com/allegheny/all22.htm

"Come on, Tommy, are you mad at me?... I shot my dad."

~Jimmy Detillo

(Can this be!?! More amazing Mario Zucca Striking Distance Art! My pipe tobackee can hardly believe! Check out more of his stuff at www.mariozucca.com)

By Lord Johnson

Ranting and Raving

2009-07-07T19:17:00.005-04:00

1. First, a rant against the driver of bus 31D - a bus that is part of the same public transit system that insists on increasing my fare 1000% every year (mild exaggeration). Mr. Crazy Bus Driver, I do not like being scolded. Especially if I'm being scolded because I look like what must be another incredibly hot girl living in the greater domain. Allow me to elaborate:

Me: Does this bus stop at the incline?

Crazy Bus Driver (CBD): Does this bus stop at the incline?

Me: Um, yes. The incline?

CBD: Does this bus stop at the incline?!

Me: (puzzled look)

CBD: It stopped there last night didn't it?!

Me: Um...

CBD: You asked me the same question last night!

Me: Uh, I didn't take a bus last night. I walked.

CBD: HA! (And not an I'm-being-funny Ha!, it was a yeah-right-you-LIAR HA!)

Me: (stunned)

I'll be honest, it takes a lot to get me stunned. Especially silent and stunned. But in my defense, the guy looked like a loon, and the whole thing was a little surreal. And now that I got over being stunned, I would like to say that I do not pay a million dollars a month (slight exaggeration) to be yelled at by a Crazy Bus Driver! Thank you.

2. On to the rave- no amount of hassle by a crazy bus driver can diminish the joy I experienced today from eating at the Chicken Latino in the Strip District. It was DELICIOUS!!! Soooo delicious. The chicken was fantastic and the sweet fried plantains were out of this world.

With food like that one, this city must truly be the Most Liveable City in the Universe! (Way better than chocolate ice cream.)

By: Lady Rivera

Pissing-off More Strangers

2009-07-07T09:52:00.012-04:00

It has come as a shock a surprise that people who are not Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club members, nor even residents of the sacred domain, have 1) visited our humble blog and 2) left with a fair amount of anger at our well-reasoned and insightful posts. That fine gentleman who claimed that Pittsburgh was the "Best City in the World" and that chocolate was the best ice cream flavor certainly didn't seem too pleased with us, but that was an isolated incident. Or so I thought...

During a recent occasion when I was wasting time leading up to an important deadline (like I am right now) I chanced to revisit some of the Brain Trust's first blog entries. I was shocked to find that the one of our earliest attempts received a belated comment. Let's Rohm These Streets where I rant and rave about the possible namesake for the alley behind my house, recieved the attention of one Wendy Goldman Rohm.

Ms. Rohm, who was probably far too gracious in her remarks, said in response to my accusation of her being an "unpopular novelist":

"i noticed your post while updating my google files. just a correction, while i have had no street named after me (!), i am not an "unpopular novelist." i am a New York Times bestselling author of narrative nonfiction, not novels. thanks for the attention anyway! best, wendy goldman rohm : )"

Let this be an official apology. I apologize for calling you an unpopular novelist and recognize that you are indeed a...

"New York Times bestselling author and literary agent, [who] has taught and lectured for MediaBistro, Yale University, onboard the QEII, and at numerous universities and organizations in the US, Europe and Asia. [And] has presented her writing and book workshops since 2002."

I was quite mistaken in calling her an unpopular novelist. Indeed she has received quite a bit of attention for two of her books, one being a lengthy narrative about Bill Gates and Microsoft's troubles of the 90's, and another about Rupert Murdoch, I think. While praise for her writing workshops has been nearly unanimous, the response to her books has been anything but.

One critic called her piece about Microsoft:

...a book that is by turns salacious, unbelievable, and dated. Not a good mix at all. -- Business Week, Steve Hamm

I personally am witholding judgement. Though, one piece of her prose that was quoted on the website WindowsITPro was interesting, though hopefully not indicative of her entire writing style. In a Windows website's unsurprising pan of the book we recieve the quote:

"Sleeping, a low hum in the chest, skin reddened by sun, head tight, seams of the skull traced like an etching across the crown taut with the monotony of time. It seemed he'd traveled farther than his thirty-nine years. Feet crossed at the ankles, lower lip slack as if having given up: all having been spoken. Echo in the sleeping brain. Traveling across water. Miles of it. Air like water filling his lungs, dreams billowing like balloons grasped in a fierce wind."

So Ms. Rohm I apologize for my mistaken comments, and will never call you a novelist again. I promise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom Hardy: "I feel like an asshole"

Vince Hardy: "Maybe you are an asshole... you always were kinda strange."

Tom Hardy: "I had you as a role model."

Vince Hardy: "You got that from your mother"

Tom Hardy: "Let's leave Mom out of this."

Vince Hardy: "Gladly!"

(YOWZA! Frasier's dad and John McClain in a car together, expertly rendered by one Mario Zucca. He has a website at www.mariozucca.com, where you can see many of his Pittsburgh City Paper covers and much more!)

by Lord Johnson

Jimmy? Is that you?

2009-06-30T10:33:00.012-04:00

The saying goes that life imitates art... (Speaking of art, the above illustration was graciously produced by Mario Zucca who's work can be found at www.mariozucca.com- contact him for your illustrating needs from there)

Just as Jimmy Detillo was troubled during his life, so was the actor who played him on the big screen. Robert Pastorelli, best known for his role as Eldin Bernecky, the painter/nanny on Murphy Brown, died tragically in 2004. Starting out as a young boxer, a near fatal car crash at the age of 19 ended his pugilistic hopes, where he then turned to acting. Taking on roles in films like Dances with Wolves, Michael, and Sister Act II, his career eventually culminated in his masterful character study of Jimmy Detillo.

The links between Pastorelli and his Striking Distance alter-ego deserve close consideration.

***Warning! Spoiler Alert! For those of you who have not seen the dramatic conclusion to Striking Distance, I urge you to see the film and come back later.***

A recent report in the local paper (Man Rescued from the Allegheny River, June 29, 2009), {Special thanks to The Captain for the link} with the discovery of an unidentified male, roughly fitting Pastorelli's description has raised doubts about whether Robert Pastorelli indeed died on that fateful night in 2004, or whether he has pulled an elaborate hoax on us just as Jimmy Detillo did a decade earlier. The coincidences are shocking.

Unable to deal the ensuing jail term he was to be charged with, as well as his fathers certain knowledge that Jimmy was behind the deaths of many women, Jimmy ended his own life by plunging from an unspecified Pittsburgh bridge (the McKees Rocks Bridge? Sewickly Bridge?) into the churning river waters below. Years later he returns.

Robert Pastorelli likewise met his demise, by his own hand, dying of an apparent drug overdose. While he did not jump into a river, he did jump into a sea of drugs after being sought in the firearm death of his then girlfriend Charemon Jonovich. Initially charged as an "accidental death" the case was reopened months later with Pastorelli now labelled as a "person of interest." Days later he was declared deceased. The investigation into his girlfriend's death was closed, and thereafter her cause of death was recast as homicide.

With the unknown body found nearly lifeless in the Allegheny River, just down stream from where Tom Hardy's houseboat was docked, new questions and coincidences arise. Jimmy and Pastorelli were both tied up with the mysterious deaths of women. Both were unstable individuals with formidable talents: one being a recognized thespian, the other being "the best cop now." Both caused their own apparent suicides, taking their lives by their own hand. But, only one has returned.... YET!

The appearance of an unknown male, roughly matching our subjects description, in our city's river, sure makes you wonder...

Jimmy? Is that you?

"I got you. Oooh, I got you good. Admit it...

What a world! Its hard to believe isn't it?

I jump off a bridge. I don't die. Go figure."

-Jimmy Detillo

by Lord Johnson

Damn Good Writing

2009-06-29T11:04:00.006-04:00

As an appreciator of the newspaper industry, and the fifth season of The Wire, I often have mixed reviews of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. For instance, this each Sunday they fail to put my favorite comic "Pearls before Swine" in their comics section, despite being there all week and worse, Sunday's front page and local news are mushed into one section. This week, even their combined might were not enough to produce stories worthy of spending my morning, nor the quarters it cost me.

However, the Monday edition completely redeemed such poor performance with one report. The local section is my favorite and undeniably the most important section of any city paper. While national news can be retrieved from any number of sites, the local section bears the burden of reporting on issues of importance to the denizens of the Best City in the World. Even though pitifully short in its number of articles, (blame it on a slow weekend of news, I guess) one article blew my mind.

Hard Time at a Young Age by Daniel Malloy is some damn good writing. Admittedly D. Malloy has never jumped out at me in the past, but his work today deserves praise for a number of reasons.

He manages to tell a story. In fact he grabs a full page about a young black juvenile offender, not exactly the subject of your typical Disney movie nor local newspaper coverage unless being demonized, and makes him a understandable character. He never lets young Mr. Nowlin off the hook for his transgressions, and plainly presents the facts of his past offenses, yet manages to make him a realistic and sympathetic figure based solely on the presentation of his humanity. Malloy also succeeds in making the inconsistencies and injustices of the juvenile justice system clear without sounding preachy. No small feat. And saddest, for both young Mr. Nowlin and all kids caught up in the system everywhere, is the admission that great rehabilitative progress was being made in a youth residential treatment facility, and now in the adult system such rehabilitation efforts will be completely ignored.

This type of news coverage is rarely seen and is a testament to writers and editors willing to give both sides of a story their due. Rarely is such thought and effort put into a story in the paper...

unless it's about the Steelers.

"I don't want any problems from you, you hear me? You should be glad we caught him."

-Uncle Nicky Detillo

by Lord Johnson

A Sad Day in da ‘Burgh

2009-06-22T13:07:00.007-04:00

Today, Monday June 22, 2009 is the last day that Iron City Beer will be brewed within the confines of our fair city.

Former County Exec Jim Roddey glooms and dooms the possibility of the City/County merger.

The Pittsburgh Pirates, or ‘Rats’ for short, are at their season lowest mark, at eight games below .500.

There’s no more hockey on TV until next season.

I shaved my Mustache this morning.

And now some punk town in the mountains of Puerto Rico, Cayey (Rhymes with “Hi, eh” for those of you Canadians in the audience) is challenging Pittsburgh as the Best City in the World. As shown by the garbage can below…

Ok, not the world, but Cayey, never known for exaggeration, claims that it is “The Best City in the Americas.” Still a brazenly bold claim, made even more forcefully by the fact that all of their garbage cans say it. What really bugs me is that our mayor has made quite a large investment in our city’s trash receptacles lately, and yet they do not say anything like “Pittsburgh: Best City in America.” Damn it!

Cayey- 1

Pittsburgh- 0

"No, Bob! Don't lick me with that fish breath."

-Tom Hardy

By Lord Johnson

Pittsburgh Hero: Harry Liller

2009-06-19T15:06:00.007-04:00

Living in the Best City in the World, it is no surprise that we have our fair share of Heroes and Villains. One Hero recently brought to my attention by Kelly, Miranda and Vanessa (Thanks you gals, even if you don’t live on the Mount) is Mr. Harry Liller of Ruxton Street in Mt. Washingtion. He is a veteran of the Marines from a long line of servicemen and women in the employ of the United States Military. In his own words:

“My uncle got the Silver Star on Okinawa. He took out a Japanese machinegun nest on his own. He got half his skull blown off... My family saved the Liberty Bell from the British. My family was at Andersonville and helped draw out the Code of Conduct. My uncle was at Pearl Harbor and fought all the way to Okinawa and this is how we are treated.”

But to really get the feel of Harry Liller I recommend you watch these links. These are films of Harry exerting his right to three minutes of public comment at Allegheny County Council meetings. They are no less than stunning…

Harry Liller talks about race (I think)

Harry Liller talks about Mayoral corruption (I think)

Harry Liller riffs on April Fools Day

I am so intrigued after seeing him on film. My only thought now is that I must meet this man. My new task will be to interview Harry Liller for an exclusive Mt. Wash Brain Trust & Pipe Club expose called “ The Scourge of City Council.” (its a working title… I’ll take suggestions.)

I think Harry speaks well enough for himself, so I’m going to refrain from too much comment until I get to meet the man, but discovering this individual brings two thoughts to mind. 1) I can’t believe I’ve never spoken at a city council meeting and 2) I hope Harry keeps it up.

"Because I'm the most stubborn person in this county and I'm pretty sure Dan Onorato is the second stubbornest person in this county."

On that reccomendation I may do a write up on "Big Dan" Onorato next. For just one more taste of the Liller experience, below is a link with most of a previous rant, though with some great shots of council members listening/trying not to listen to Mr. Liller. Its probably my favorite.

Here it is.

"Maybe you need a drink to ease the pain of being wrong?"

-Tom Hardy

by Lord Johnson

Brouhaha about Iron City Brewing

2009-06-12T11:53:00.003-04:00

The Best City in the World, Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, is losing its hometown brewery.

No longer will the Best Beer in the World, Iron City, be produced on the shores of the Allegheny, as its canning and bottling lines move to the shores of the Loyalhanna Creek in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. The former brewer of Rolling Rock beer will now house the production of Iron City.

And according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, people are pissed!

The most interesting of the pissed that Mr. Boselovic interviews is one, Chris Hoel who is, I qoute:

"a Pittsburgh attorney who specializes in the beverage industry"

That's Awesome! I know a few lawyers in town, and none of them have specialized to such a degree, that I know of at least. Maybe my wife should specialize in the Pittsburgh "Fries on a Salad" industry, or the Pittsburgh Pierogi industry. Now I bet those would be lucrative. Anyway this guy is hilarious. He says calls Iron City...

"one of the most glorious breweries in the United States"

(Why not most glorious brewery in the World I wonder?)

And as someone who loves Iron City beer, probably more than anyone else in the Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club, I still think this is a bit of an exaggeration, of which I've noticed a trend of in PGH lately. (See Wednesday's post)

Iron City: delicious, undoubtedly. Iron City: provides skull splitting hangovers the next day, no question. Iron City: most glorious brewery in the U.S., um... really?

Of course the Union Workers of the Lawrenceville plant are unhappy. These same workers who took 15% pay raises when ownership changed hands just 3 years ago are now losing their jobs entirely. They have a right to be pissed.

However, the formerly pissed off employees of Latrobe Brewing have got to be pretty happy right now. These union workers who so unceremoniously had their jobs swiped away by Anheuser-Busch, so that the same piss-water ale could be produced in New Jersey, may now have jobs again. And look how that worked out for the producers of Budweiser. Rolling Rock has always been a terrible beer, but many of us drank it just for the hometown loyalty. When they moved, we all stopped buying it.

The question is: Will Iron City feel the same backlash from moving its operation outside of the city limits, that Rolling Rock experienced?

It may. But it will be much less of a knee-jerk boycott than the Rolling Rock debacle. Latrobe after all is only about an hour away from the city, and even gets the annual visit of the Pittsburgh Steelers and rapid fans each August for NFL summer training camp. Latrobe is no stranger to this town. In fact it mirrors Pittsburgh in many ways, though on a much smaller scale. It is/was a primary manufacturing center, still home to Kennametal and a variety of other steel and metal working factories, of which I am too lazy to recall or look up. And it actually has a truly state-of-the-art brewing facility.

In fact, that's my concern. Iron City was not made in "the most glorious brewery" in the world. It was made in a sucky old plant with sickly Pittsburgh water. And it was GREAT! What's going to happen when you try to brew the same product using the pristine waters of the Loyalhanna in a high-tech modern facility? I guess we'll see.

I'm going to give the Latrobe Iron City a chance. Dammit, I'm running out of home-town beers to drink during the game.

"Never scald your tongue on another man's soup."

by Lord Johnson

Pittsburgh: The Best City in the World! 'n'at

2009-06-10T09:10:00.010-04:00

or Pittsburgh: 29th Best City in the World!

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette printed two very compelling articles in today's paper ( see Magazine gives city a jolly good No. 1 rating and Marketer tries to boost city's profile.) Pittsburgh is getting a lot of buzz on both a national and international stage for the first time in many years... and not for our amazing sports teams. (Though it deserves mention that our Steelers did indeed win the Superbowl this year, with the players just now receiving their gawdily awesome rings, while our beloved Penguins have evened up an epic Stanley Cup match-up, with the championship to be decided in game 7 on Friday.)

But that's my point. Two of our city's sports teams are of championship caliber, (sorry Pirates,) yet they are not what is garnering all of the attention.

Not only will Pittsburgh host the G20 meeting of world leaders in coming months, but our fair city has again earned title of "Most Livable City in the United States" and 29th world-wide, by British magazine the Economist. But for some Most livable in this country is not good enough. Eyeflow, apparently a Pittsburgh based web marketing company has this grand idea to basically spam the internet with the phrase "Best City in the World" linked to Pittsburgh's website. I almost bit and did so at this site, but refrained from actually linking to the city based on the fact that it is a lie. We are not the best city in the world. The survey results printed directly above the marketing article (that's right I actually read the paper version of the newspaper) shows that 28 cities worldwide are actually better than Pittsburgh.

However, who cares about the rest of Earth. We are the United States right. Bald Eagles, Apple Pie, Captain America, and whatnot. In light of the many independent observers, from Forbes Magazine to Places Rated Almanac, who have all recognized the great attributes of the town we live in, is the United States not enough? Will such fallacious exaggeration from "in the nation" to "in the entire World" help the city overcome its apparent inferiority complex?

For the time being I accept that Pittsburgh is the best city in the good ol' U.S. of A. But the world?

Well... not until we win that Stanley Cup.

by Lord Johnson

Sotomayor = So to-tally awesome!

2009-05-28T15:08:00.005-04:00

Though I feel like we've become a bit political, rather that Pittburghical lately, I can't help but comment on the choice of Sonia Sotomayor for Supreme Court Justice.

This lady is smart. She's Puerto Rican. She's worked her way through good schools, Yale Law being the premier law school in the country, as well as serving on a number of judicial levels. She's absolutely a good pick, serving to break the old white male stranglehold on the nation's highest court.

My only issue with her ensuing nomination, is I think she's the second best choice. If I had my say, I too would nominate a strong smart Puerto Rican female, (though I prefer those actually raised on the Island) with a law degree from Yale. But not Sotomayor. I would nominate this lady...

Come on! Not only does she have all the qualifications, but she's also kick-ass hot and can salsa dance like she's on fire.

Obama's been good so far, but he just slightly missed the mark on this one.

Who's the best cop now?

by Lord Johnson

Oh, no you don't

2009-05-20T21:49:00.004-04:00

In delayed response to the post noting that "Duquesne Heights resident" Robert Frank never tried to meet you, I would like to say that Robert Frank tried, and actually succeeded, to meet me. And if the implication was that you would have liked to have met him, the answer is no, you wouldn't have.

He knocked on my door and bumbled about being inspired by Obama, wanting to change something, and being against pay raises. That was the platform, as best I could tell, pay raises. Not only was the issue dumb, but the outrage was soooo lame.

So, I hereby declare, be glad you did not meet the Duquesne Heights resident.

Georgia on my mind

2009-05-20T10:56:00.003-04:00

With the election results tallied in Pittsburgh's 2nd district city council primary, we find that our beloved Georgia Blotzer

failed to unseat the "interim" council person Theresa Smith.

Theresa Smith won the position during a special election just a few months ago. In that special election Smith was able to run as the Democrat while Georgia had to label herself Independent. Believing this to be handicap, Mt. Washington residents eagerly awaited the rematch where both candidates would have the label of Democrat.

Alas, Georgia won a respectable 33% of the vote, in the three-way race. Smith won with a solid majority however over the unknown newcomer Robert Frank, whose name sounds like it was made up by witness relocation professionals.

Georgia made a solid run, though I missed her constant presence outside the polls. It makes sense that she was probably stationed outside of other polling places where she is less well known, but her smile and spastic energy were absent in Olympia Park this day. It hardly felt like a real vote without Georgia standing out front. I hope she takes another go at public office in the future.

------

In other election news, Luke "Steelerstahl" Ravenstahl won handily with 59% of the votes. Dowd placed second with 28% and underdog Carmen Robinson pulled in 13% of the vote. By all accounts turnout was pretty low. And the first full-term election of Luke has been met with little fanfare and fair amount of consternation. His road is still not entirely clear as he will have a host of competitors in the fall including some Republican I don't know and the son of Steeler great Franco Harris, Franco "Dok" Harris. Name recognition might make this an interesting race, though Lynn Swann didn't do so well in his state-wide campaign, and he was an ACTUAL Steeler instead of the son of one.

oh yeah...

Go Catch a FISH!

Pittsburgh's 2nd District City Council Endorsement

2009-05-18T15:52:00.007-04:00

With only hours until voting begin in our fair metropolis it is time that the Mt. Washington Brain Trust and Pipe Club makes its endorsement for our city council seat.

As a resident of Pittsburgh's most altitudinaly elevated neighborhood I've had many long debates about who deserves to represent the fine people of "Da Mahnt." In Distric 2, Mt. Washington often has little pull, as it shares this district with adjacent neighborhoods. But in this election we have two candidates who are current residents of Mt. Washington: Georgia Blotzer of Chatham Village and Robert Frank of Duquesne Heights.

I've known Ms. Georgia for some time. Anyone who has ever voted in Mt. Washington probably has run across the spritely red-head on election day. As the polls open she has for years greeted constituents with an eerily unwavering cheeriness and unfathomable vigor for various Democratic candidates. During the 2008 Presidential Election she maintained her presence from the opening of the polling station in Olympia Park to its close. All day, without even a cup of coffee.

Robert Frank lives in Duquesne Heights. I know nothing of him. I can't believe he never even once tried to meet me. {What?! I know people!} But the fact that people still persist in calling the upper portion Mt. Washington "Duquesne Heights" drives me crazy. I find it unnecessary and counterproductive. Its not like it has some separate neighborhood feel or culture or anything. There are no stores, or bars (except for the Eagles club). No one can even tell me where Mt. Wash ends and Duq. Heights begins. And trust me, I've asked! Its just a way for those fancy restaurants to separate themselves from the Mt.'s minority population.

Actually I'm not so fond of Georgia living in Chatham Village, though either. Its yet another divisive housing complex refusing to participate with the rest of the neighborhood as productive citizens of Mt. Washington. I think its pretentious and poorly designed. But I actually like Georgia enough. I do find her never-ending exuberance to be a bit tiring at times, but such vim and vigor is quite a positive trait for a politician to have. I don't know how well her social skills would translate on the floor of the city-county building, but I know she would be a strong and tireless advocate for Mt. Washington.

She was part of the teacher's union, and understands the struggles that working people deal with. She has also worked for the Democratic Party for years, and even participates with Mt. Washington's CDC. The Post-Gazette even endorsed her. And Tony Norman works for the PPG, and he's awesome.

Therefore, I endorse Georgia Blotzer for City Council.

oh... and who's the best cop now?!?

YouTube Test Blog

2009-05-14T20:14:00.004-04:00

In a continuing effort to make the blog hip with the technology n'at, I'm doing a test blog and attempting to embed a YouTube video onto the blog. If successful, I see the MWBT&PC taking advantage of all the wonders YouTube has to offer. Here is a personal favorite . . .

Whoops, I almost forgot about the commitment to the theme, here is another video worth viewing . . .

Special Thanks to Peaks and Gutters for the tip.

Pipe Von Pipenstein

They should have never put her in the water, if they didn't want her to make waves.

2009-05-13T20:01:00.012-04:00

Miss Opposite Marriage, I mean Miss California . . . I think she is misunderstood, kind of like the way Tom Hardy was misunderstood. I recognize there are a lot of differences between the two. She is a beautifully poised, silicon filled beauty. He likes to clean himself with an old damp microwaved towel. She likes Jesus. He likes Pittsburgh and booze; however, there are many, many similarities between the two. They both, oddly enough, often find themselves in situations where their chests are exposed.

Although never confirmed, if I had to guess I would bet that they share the same views on gay marriage (Tom Hardy is a straight meat and potatoes guy), and they both stick headstrong to their beliefs.

Tom Hardy was a man that didn't care about popular opinion. He listened to his gut, even though everyone thought the Polish Hill Strangler was already caught, he knew the murderer was still out there and that it was a cop, a cop who killed his father Vince Hardy! He ignored all advice, threats, physical acts of aggression, etc., and listened not only to his gut but his heart. I think everyone can agree, all in Pittsburgh are safer and wiser for it.

Miss California is also listening to her gut, her heart, and possibly her fake titties, and she too is here to bring wisdom and safety to all that listen to her message.

The moral of the story, don't limit yourself to beauty pageants when trying to save your fellow man. Get a drinking problem, buy a boat, and stop showering. Maybe the message of Miss Opposite Marriage would have been better received if she lived the Tom Hardy way.

The Kernel

Links

2009-05-12T21:35:00.003-04:00

We have the technology!

The Links section has finally been updated. It was sad for all involved to see the link to Google News get the axe, but the time had come for change.

If you ask me, the new Links section really ties the Blog together; however, you did not ask me, so I'm just telling you as much.

At this time we have very few friends, but the ones we are now linked with are some of the best we know of in our very limited knowledge of the online world. Also, if you have a minute, take a gander at the Striking Distance link. It will bring a chuckle for some, a tear for others, and potentially introduce a few people to an amazing new world with finite possibilities and limited potential.

Enjoy.

Finally, due to a lack of alternative motivation or interest, a theme will be followed for a period of time, the length of that period of time is yet to be determined, but given the theme, it will be amazing, albeit finite and limited. You probably think that the theme somehow involves using too many commas, you are wrong , , , ,

Hope she floats.

Loyalty Above All Else...

2009-02-20T14:59:00.003-05:00

Vince Hardy.

Man. Police Officer. Bigelow enthusiast. Father. Grandfather? Sadly not.

The man who single-handedly refurbished the family boat, "The Three Rivers," had his life cut short by a misfired shot to the chest in 1993 as he was about to apprehend the Polish Hill Strangler, one of Pittsburgh's most notorious and elusive serial killers. He never even got to take the boat out on the water.

He was a man of principles. He lived his life by one lesson that his father taught him in boyhood...

Loyalty above all else... except Honor.

He taught this profound adage to his sons, Tom, Frazier, and Niles, though only Tom ever really exemplified this age old truth as his father did. As they would drive down Bigelow Boulevard, sometimes against traffic, sometimes causing mass spillings of the sweet nectar we call Iron City, sometimes awkwardly speaking of Tom's love life, father and son shared a bond.

Honor can be a difficult road. As difficult as driving through the Armstrong Tunnels past an incinerated police cruiser? Who am I to say? But a difficult road, I assure you. Whereas loyalty too has its share of adversity, the true test comes when one if forced to chose: Honor v. Loyalty?

When young Tom was put in such harrowing circumstances, how was he to know what to do?

Luckily, he could think back on those words of his father and make the right decision.

So what if it got him kicked off of the homicide squad to become a river rat. So what if Eddie Eiler never gave him the respect he deserved. So what if he had to live on a house boat docked on Washington's Landing and wash himself with a microwaved dirty washcloth. He still had his honor.

Thank you Vince Hardy. Thank you for your service, for your example, and for your wisdom. May you have grandkids in the great beyond.

Visions of a new city park

2008-03-12T16:26:00.004-04:00

The house next door sits vacant. For months a cracking foundation and dilapidated roof have remained free of human contact. Trees send their roots deep under its ancient concrete base and branches pry away siding with each gust of the wind. Its former inhabitants have left it for the mind-bogglingly constrictive comforts of life in nearby Chatham village, without even putting the property up for sale.

I often sit and stare at the shame of such a decrepit house still standing yet serving no purpose... and my mind wanders...

The split in the foundation finally tears the house asunder and from the rubble rises a delegation of stately sycamores and red oaks fighting to regain position. With the house completely unlivable, and truly unsalvageable, the Brain Trust pools its resources and becomes the land's new stewards. Piece by piece the remains get taken away and recycled, perhaps at the East End's Construction Junction.

In its place a small winding trail takes you from a small gazebo, for pipe smokers and picnickers, overlooking Olympia Street and snakes you past a rose garden and a plot where blueberries are just about ripe enough to be picked from their bushes. A special dog park sits conveniently juxtaposed to Rohm Way, a now near famous dog walking alley, equipped with trash cans and bags with which to dispose of canine defecation. On the left sits a piece of orange-yellow steel sculpture reminiscent of the uncanny french-fry art to be found in Frank Curto Park along Bigelow Boulevard. (Every great park needs ineffable sculpture.) I hear the slight trickle of a newly commissioned fountain, and the giggles of children running just out of sight of their promenading parents as they climb on the bust of Tom, who's decision to rejoin the Pipe Club unknowingly make all of this possible.

And then I awake, and come to my senses. The hideous uninhabited behemoth of of a house sits untended and unloved. There are no blueberries. No dog park. No steel in the vague shape of haphazardly discarded french fries. No fountain. And alas, no bust of our scraggly bearded defector.

As members of such an organization as this Brain Trust & Pipe Club, it is always our right to dream.

Vu+

2007-12-05T14:33:00.000-05:00

The Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club has spent most of its spring/fall break discussing possible changes to their mission.

The initial idea was to change into the Mt. Washington Brawn Trust. There was some argument over whether the spelling should be Brawn or Braun, and ultimately Brawn was chosen because there was fear that using Braun would lead people to believe we were some sort of tribute to Hitler's long time mistress Eva Braun.

The Brawn Trust never took flight because of the inherent laziness of the group and the Captain's general disdain for exercise in any form.

Recently the Pipe Club considered becoming a pipe smoking and whiskey drinking club after several of the members (and one former member who shall remain nameless, Tom) polished off several bottles of Scotch. There was a debate surrounding the best form of whiskey that has yet to be decided, but there are tentative plans for the great whiskey contest of '08 where Scotch whiskey, Irish whiskey, and Bourbon will all face off in hopes of becoming the Pipe Club's preferred form of whiskey. When the results are tallied, we'll be sure to post them.

The main problem with focusing solely on pipe smoking and whisky drinking is that our beloved Mount will no longer be the focal point of the group. Some sort of happy medium must be achieved so that the sacred domain continues to be the beneficiary of the Pipe Club's efforts.

Toodles,

Pipe Von Pipenstein

It Is Time

2007-12-04T22:27:00.000-05:00

Hear ye! Hear ye!

This is a call to order.

The summer/fall break has officially ended and it is time for the Mount Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club to resume all Brain and Pipe related activities immediately.

All members who do not comply with this order will be censured.

Pipe Von Pipenstein

Geppetto's other miracle

2007-03-07T22:31:00.000-05:00

Hereby, the Mt. Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club hones its lens on Dennis Kucinich of Ohio.

Like much of Ohio, Dennis Kucinich is a bit unusual. He is apparently gaining some recognition recently, and precisely because of his inherent strangeness. A recent Time article speaks highly of him. I saw him speak on my latest favorite channel, C-SPAN. To begin his speech, the democrat tears through a monologue fit for a Bush roast, in a most unnatural drawl . They were corny jokes, but so is he. His jet black dyed hair in contrast to a complexion of milky wood skin carved with deep peculiar wrinkles that move interestingly down from his mouth when he talks. He moves awkwardly. Indeed, the first thing I thought as I saw him loosely jaunt about the stage was that he looked remarkably like a Marionette. (The irony of this will later be revealed.)

The Marionette's message was sober and idealistic. He actually makes you believe he has a legitimate vision for this country. Things like leadership & honesty seem to matter to him. He has an undeniable passion, and amazingly with his inane accent, it doesn't sound like the hokey campaigning we see everywhere else. He speaks of issues, but it is not the same stale gibberish every other candidate spews. When Kucinich talks about healthcare, he completely changes the rules. He refers to it as the "healthcare debate fraud," and blasts every politician in Washington by acknowledging the 'for-profit insurance' lobby as the biggest impediment to progress in getting people help, and frankly putting the aforementioned politicos in insurances' pockets.

At this point he seems idealistic, but still sane.

Then it starts. He finishes his spiel. And just to prove his point, that he's not in the pockets of lobbyists, he starts spinning on the stage, arms straight out as if he believed himself a human helicopter. The chant begins. "A president with no strings! A president with no strings!" He repeats this ad naseum. It goes on and on. And on and on. He keeps spinning. He keeps yelling 'a president with no strings.' It was unbearable. The unabashed irony that this candidate actually looks like a marionette with no strings anyway, makes the point. Spinning about, proclaiming it to the world, pushes the point to redundancy. Whatever humor could be pulled from this display is lost in the shear jaw-dropping shock of having to watch it. Any credibility the Marionette may earn through his ideas gets immediately overshadowed by this ridiculously mockable stunt. Geppetto himself, while possibly proud of his creepy creation's spark of life, would never cast a vote for him in a national election.

Tough love in the 'Burgh

2007-03-04T23:04:00.000-05:00

Joey Porter was recently dropped by the Pittsburgh Steelers. He kissed Cowher on the face during a game, as I recall. I guess new coach Tomlin ain't into that. I'm just sayin'...

He will be missed.

"Gosh! My Goodness!"

2007-02-14T23:18:00.000-05:00

Hereby, The Mt. Washington BrainTrust & PipeClub looks at Mitt Romney:

This polished specimen of political plastic, described by dear Lady Rivera as “hot,” begins with gusto...
“Gosh!” “My Goodness!” “It warms my heart…” “You know my Dad…” His dad was an old Governor of Michigan, I think. Supposed to have done a lot to help schools in MI. Michigan is where poor Mitt was reared. This apparently necessitates him repeatedly and annoyingly talking about “Michiganders.” Mitt was named after his dad’s favorite piece of sporting equipment, (I’m making that part up.) But he seems just as skilled at clever deception, as he feigns surprise at his own candidacy announcement. “Gosh!” The Mannequin brings up both proud and terribly endearing family information (big family = lots of Bamboozling, if you know what I mean.) He never stops smiling. Like a ‘Ken’ doll infused with life, he pauses between each grandiose assertion to showboat his perfect teeth and greased hair with that special twinkle in his eye. The Mannequin certainly has the look to be president.

Mind you, he throws his official presidential announcement gala as he puts on a Car Show. He’s standing in front of a classic Ford, a giant SUV (a hybrid supposedly) and an airplane. He informs us that down the hall is Rosa Parks’ bus. (Heaven forbid he get that in the shot.)

The Mannequin wants to “Slay gas guzzling dinosaurs.” So beware all you SUV owners. Mitt is coming. He drops in the word ‘innovation’ like he’s getting paid royalties for every time it is spoken. He mentions schools about half as much (at least he mentions them.)
He denounces lifetime politicians. And is obviously a classic self-loather, attempting to forget his time as Governor, and an unsuccessful bid for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat. He doubts the experience of politicians, instead praising business. Which isn’t surprising since he was the CEO of the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City, huh? Why would he be there? hmmm..

God. He talked a lot about God. Even spoke of “children of God.” Then he rolls through his entire belief list, as follows:

*Family- needs protecting (umm.. that means no gays), marriage before childbirth
*Sanctity of human life- (that is his brand new way of avoiding the fact that he was a pro-choice candidate when elected as Massachusetts governor, and now that he has to be taken seriously on a national level he is running as a Pro-lifer)
*Judges- hate them (because judges like gays)
*Borders- Secure them (this is a hard argument to make without sounding racist, no illegal homosexuals either)
*”Believe, Believe, Believe!”

Well it sounds like he’s vying with Robot Brownback to grab the conservative Christian block. Indeed, my wife suggested that the Mannequin has had to lean way Right just to appeal to the Robot Senator’s base. But wait, what’s that?! He’s not Christian?!?! Say it ain’t so. He is a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints. Mormon! I was only informed of this after seeing his campaign announcement. He’s a good social conservative religious type. Unfortunately I don’t think good backwater Christians will even attempt to hear his message, even if it is exactly the same as theirs. Christians are pretty serious about the Jesus part of the story.

The real crown of the speech is his portion about “Radical Jihad & Nuclear Epidemic.” Yeah, I was excited about this part, too. Looks like he is just as willing to stir up good fear-mongering as the current President, making a laundry list of international threats:

*An “aspiring tyrant” in our own Hemisphere (Hugo Chavez over Raul Castro, I’d imagine)
*Iran
*Iraq’s civil war (my words, not his.) And he says that staying the war would be the “wisest choice.” I suppose there can be differing definitions of ‘wisest’, nonetheless, I must disagree.
*He even brings up that Turkey would be pissed to see an independent Kurdistan. He’s just making trouble up now.

A pan shot of the audience shows a Muslim girl, in traditional head dress, looking scared.

The Mannequin goes on to Pontificate about the need of Military Might.

A bunch of black people corralled into a corner hesitantly and unenthusiastically clap when the camera closes in. They’re probably all too aware of the incredibly high percentage of minorities that make up the troops being led to the Iraqi slaughter he supports.

The Mannequin stresses the value and importance of work being done in the home, especially parents and caregivers (as long as you are not gay).

We see some twenty-something girls in the audience, most of them bespectacled with erudite glasses, looking bored. Old white balding men seem riveted.

Then at the end they shove some babies at him and he attempts not to drop them while a press core in heat snaps photo after photo. He feverishly hurries to get off stage, however the only way out is through the fevered masses (ok they weren’t really fevered). The Mannequin is polite the whole time. He pretends to know everyone there. He comments to many, “Wow! You came the whole way out here?!” And as we see the crowd we make a realization, except for the few minorities piled into the room for PR purposes, every one there is Mormon. “We prayed for you” some woman says. Another asks “Will you be campaigning in Utah?” My guess is that’s the one group of religious folk he’s not worried about voting for him.

“Absolutely!” the Mannequin smiles. He’ll make a great VP someday.

Beware of Robots

2007-02-12T23:34:00.000-05:00

Hereby, the Mt. Washington BrainTrust & PipeClub joins the campaign inquiry by giving profiles of the presidential hopefuls this year. I hope my colleagues join me in evaluating each character… oh I mean candidate.

The first prostitutes himself as Senator Brownback of Kansas. He was elected in that rectangularist of states, but it remains unclear where exactly he was manufactured. Ooops! Did I let it out? Better just lay it out there; I believe the Senator is a Robot.

My expert analysis comes from the most unlikely of places for personal inspiration: C-SPAN.
C-SPAN is either a brilliant and subtly clever network, or they have really just lowered their airing standards. Some self-proclaimed “Right Wing Talk Radio” host, Kevin Cohen, strokes the good Senator’s campaign platform like it’s Aladdin’s lamp, in this attempt to, what could be loosely described as, interview the most vile of American products: the Robot Senator.

When asked the first softball question about his feelings about America, the Senator Robot responds, “A lot of people to contact.” That, my friends, is no human response. He is an artificial being, created solely to stand in front of cameras and spout a platform so far outside the bounds of reason or sensibility, that it appeals to the largest portion of one-issue voters. "Must contact humans." (said in Robot voice. )

Then, he talked about the weather a bit. This feign was to show that he has human senses. But take no mind, it is indeed a ruse.

Throughout the segment the Robot spit out Iowa town names at timed intervals, in case someone from that not quite so rectangular state might decide to give him and extra + or -1 point in the one primary he may actually stand a chance to win. He also digitally calculated random mentions of past and present democrats so as to win over their republican haters: Howard Dean, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Barak Obama.. His programming needs a bit of updating, apparently mistaking these people with the actual rivals he has at this point like Giuliani, McCain, Romney, and Huckabee. (And that’s just in his own party.)

At this point I gained an amazing respect for C-SPAN’s often boring habit of keeping the camera rolling, even when most stations would have happily cut to commercial. The “right-wing talk radio” station indeed cut to commercial, while C-SPAN taped.

Kevin Cohen begins talking to the Senator. Knowingly or not, he teases some amazing statements from the Robot, with Borat ease, getting him to say things because the Robot does not realize that even though the microphone is off, C-SPAN watches. The Robot defends his candidacy because running for president is “More doable now than ever before.” And spewing on about how “Campaigns have changed” Agreed. Campaigns used to have qualified candidates. “I think I’m gonna wear well,” the Robot attempts his best hick accent. “I have a strong and clear message.” “I’m strong on the issues.” Unfortunately ‘Issues’ usually have nothing to do with government policy, and especially government intervention. Most issues speak to some of the most hopelessly narrowly minded people, unable to relate to anything but a single issue. I hate that the Robot Senator is able to both plead about the life of an unborn fetus, yet support war in Iraq, which costs innumerable lives. He goes on about the need for strong families, then in the next breath denies the legitimacy of families unless they submit to the criteria that the robot has been pre-programmed with.

The Robot says to the DJ, off-air, of course, but C-SPAN sees all, “to come through here you have to speak a different language.” His Pro-life programming actually knows the real issues. He explains to the DJ the issues that he admits lost his party in the last election. He spouts them to the DJ off-air: the war, spending, and government corruption. Yet as soon as they go back on air, his perfectly synchronized data boards go right back to key push button social hot spots. Speaking their “different language.”

He did have two good ideas. He seems excited about natural energy sources, namely corn-derivatives. Well, he knows the heartland loves that. He also didn’t sound like too much of a racist when talking about immigration. His programming is somewhat endearing; what with the accent, perfectly combed hair, and never breaking half-smile.

He has about the same chance of becoming president as two other no names, Huckabee and Romney.

YOKOZUNA

2007-02-04T16:57:00.000-05:00

The ancient Japanese sport of Sumo wrestling is as rich in its history and tradition as it is beautiful in its simplicity. Sumo wrestling has found itself in myriad cultural places and settings during its existence. It began as an ancient form of entertainment for the Japanese emperors of old and from there it has progressed through the ages and taken on many meanings that include an essential part of the Shinto religion, to a form of contemporary entertainment for the avid fans of professional wrestling.

I remember that my first real exposure to Sumo wrestling involved the introduction of “Yokozuna” into the ranks of the former WWF (now the WWE because of the conflict with the World Wildlife Fund). He was an incredible man, both in his stature and in his ability to be construed as offensive to the history and tradition of Sumo wrestling. Of course, this understanding of the cultural insensitivity towards Sumo wrestling that the former WWF’s Yokozuna portrayed has come much later in life. At the age of 12, when Yokozuna came onto the scene, it was pure awe and fascination. Thinking back on those times, I sometimes curse the current course my mind is taking. The hyper-sensitivity to everything and everyone that becomes second nature during legal training makes one well prepared to deal with the plethora of people and situations one will deal with in their career, but it also causes a person to lose the part of themselves that can love and enjoy such examples of low brow absurdity.

I digress.

Rodney Anoai burst onto the scene in 1992. A mammoth 600 pound Samoan who suddenly became Japanese and named Yokozuna shook up the former WWF. Yokozuna was given the crafty and dislikeable manager Mr. Fuji, and became an instant villain and someone everyone could agree on hating. In the former WWF there was always a huge need for the fan favorite, such as the Hulkster, Macho Man Randy Savage, etc., but those fan favorites were only a great as their biggest nemesis. Yokozuna, as the “Japanese” Sumo villain, turned out to be a great nemesis and a perfect yin to the American fan favorite yang in the former WWF. (Yeah, Yeah, that would have been a lot more clever if yin and yang were from Japanese philosophy and not from Chinese philosophy. I’m keeping it a part of my blog regardless.) Looking back on his influences I believe he is best described as a potentially misguided, yet amazingly successful, ambassador of Sumo wrestling.

The former WWF fan is generally considered to be a member of what is known as the lowest common denominator in our society. Believed to be a person unable to look past their Bud light and limited intelligence to see anything enlightening in their blue collar entertainment, and thus missing out on the great opportunity to learn an important part of Japanese culture. This stereotype is in my humble opinion is somewhat misguided. (And it is most certainly a stereotype in the pejorative sense, but that is a subject for a different blog.) Maybe the typical WWF fan can’t appreciate the works of James Joyce, the latest tribute to film noir, or the subtle beauty behind a few dissonant key strokes of Thelonious Monk, but the typical former WWF fan also should not be sold short. Although Yokozuna would probably be considered an embarrassment and disgrace to Sumo wrestling by those native to Japan, he created an opportunity for the young inquiring minds of the former WWF to learn about the great tradition of Sumo wrestling.

I digress

I remember when Yokozuna beat Bret “The Hitman” Hart for the former WWF heavyweight title in Wrestlemania 9. Yokozuna finished off one of the most popular wrestlers to date with his infamous and amazingly effective “Bonzai Drop”. A killer finishing move where the gargantuan Yokozuna climbed the ropes and allowed gravity to bring down all 600 pounds of him upon his hapless victim laying in a false state of paralysis upon the mat. After that win Yokozuna became a household name in the households of the aforementioned and inaptly titled lowest common denominators. Mr. Fuji then went on to seal Yokozuna’s fate as one of the greatest villains in the former WWF’s history when he mocked the USA and challenged any American athlete to body slam Yokozuna on the deck of the U.S.S. Intrepid aircraft carrier. Fervent nationalism was sparked by this blow to the American ideal and pride. Of course nationalism in the early 90s was much less threatening than it is in its current form. This is so even though the nationalism of those days was as equally unfounded as the nationalism of today. (Especially, considering it’s essentially pride and hatred based upon man made geographical boundaries.) The nationalism of those times passed only incited Americans to step up to the challenge of a professional wrestler, not to use fear and ignorance to place us in the midst of an ideological war on terrorism that we are as likely to win as a war on jealously.

I digress.

I sat in a state of what seemed to be perpetual anxiety after challenger upon challenger unsuccessfully attempted to body slam Yokozuna. It seemed like all was lost, and the strength and resolve of America had been exposed as fraudulent. Then all of the sudden Lex Luger jumped down from a helicopter and stepped up to the challenge. I had never been so exhilarated and yet so skeptical at the same time. Luger had a history of being a bum, a part of that aforementioned inaptly titled lowest common denominator, and a perpetual underachiever in the world of wrestling. He couldn’t be our last hope, he just couldn’t be. But this didn’t seem to be the same Lex, something seemed different, and when Lex picked up Yokozuna and slammed the previously immovable man to the ground, the world made sense yet again. What an amazing time to be a wrestling fan. And what an inspiration Lex Luger had become, and maybe, just maybe, you could drink some Bud light, turn on wrestlemania, turn the volume down low and listen to some Coltrane while men resembling the gladiators of old battled for nothing more than pride. (Yes, Yes, we wrestling fans may not enjoy martini parties or Basquiat, but we know the outcome of the matches are fixed, sheesh, give us some credit.) If Lex Luger could change, if Yokozuna and Sumo wrestling could become a part of the “typical” wrestling fan’s interests and intrigues, then maybe anything can cross the cultural boundaries created by our capitalist class systems.

I digress.

Sumo wrestling has become so popular that this traditional style of Japanese wrestling has extended well beyond the boundaries of Japan. Although professional Sumo wrestling is still maintained strictly by the Japan Sumo Association, amateur Sumo wrestling has become a part of many schools and universities in Asia and amateur Sumo clubs are popping up more and more around the United States. There has even been the formation of the International Sumo Federation that is engaged in developing the sport world wide and is working towards having Sumo wrestling recognized as an official Olympic sport. Sumo wrestling is a wonderful sport in that anyone, big or small, can participate. Its popularity is growing every day and all you need is a large floor area, a circle made from tape, and some willing participants to have your own amateur Sumo wrestling fun. Also, one of the beautiful things incident to the growing popularity of Sumo wrestling is the desire more and more people possess to learn about the rich culture and history of Japan.

Now, I’m not saying that the former WWF and Rodney Anoai are responsible for the worldwide popularity that Sumo wrestling is now enjoying, but I’m also not saying that they haven’t had a large impact on America’s interest in the sport. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I think being a former WWF wrestling fan has significantly influenced my knowledge and interest in this grand sport, and I would be willing to bet that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Year of the Bastards

2007-02-04T13:10:00.000-05:00

‘Tis is the season for the hostile takeover. Whereas the blog’s takeover was a complete success, USAir failed to takeover Delta (losers.) But in reading the Sunday Post-Gazette I have found a new outlet for my Hostile Takeover aspirations: the Pennsylvania Legislature. Tracie Mauriello penned a fabulous article expounding all of the irresponsible spending on taxpayer dollars, and much of the compensation that these fat suits then get recouped. Bastards! Here’s a quick list of examples Mr./Ms. Mauriello (damn androgynous names) cites:

$32,000 and $20,000:
These two amounts were spent on a part-time chauffeur and then mileage compensation to the representative (That’s our tax money mind you.)

$450- Make-up for John Perzel (can anyone say Trannie!).

$7,932- for pretzels and nuts - FOR ONE GUY- Sam Smith- (he loves nuts, apparently).

$62,600- public service announcements by two guys.

$6,322, $12,730, and $863:
These three amounts are all individual MEALS. I may not be too savvy but that seems like a lot for some freedom fries.

Now the real tragedy is highlighted at the end of the article.

Legislators get catered lunches served every legislative day, and dinners are catered too, if sessions run late. Then they get all of these Lobbyist sponsored meals, and free meals in the Caucus rooms (maybe they should be called ‘cock-us’ rooms.) But these same fat heads get reimbursed approximately $126-$165 a day for food and lodging! I’ve been to Harrisburg. You can get a room at Days Inn for $39.95 a night. That means they are pocketing all of this taxpayer money. And these same ankle-biters tried to vote themselves a pay raise last year. I think a blood vessel in my head is about to burst.

This all comes in addition to those craptastic bonuses that have been all over the news. Let me tell you if the Brain Trust had such poor accounting practices, I would never have kept the treasurer’s job for these long 6 months. I hope PA Clean-Sweep and those other various groups haven’t fallen asleep on the job since last election. There’s a lot more change that needs doing. I have two words: Hostile Takeover.

Pirating the blog

2007-02-03T21:40:00.000-05:00

Hostile takeover.

That's the only description for what has just occurred. While a rotating line-up of authors initially seemed like the best way to insure constant updates to this little gem of a website, we failed. What originally began as 1 week deadlines got pushed into month long dry spells. Whether this event is attributable to procrastination, laziness, acts of God, or peoples' inherent fear of expressing themselves in the public forum- we have been ineffective. What makes the internet so fascinating is that it is constantly revised, updated, and tended to. In this respect, we failed as well. A blog, or any website for that matter, will not get seen repeatedly if the content never changes. That in itself may be the reason why we founders of the MWBT&PC stopped coming to this semi-sacred digital domain. Well this ends it. I'm taking over. Hopefully I will be arrogant enough to force others to post and respond and what not.

I also feel that the blogs themselves have become dreadfully serious. I also intend to chage that. While passion is never to be discouraged, passion with out a bit of humor often gets ignored. Or worse turns into homicidal fundamentalism (I'm looking at you, religious peoples everywhere.) So let this new era begin.

You have been pirated.

Take This Blog & Shove It

2006-12-04T22:36:00.000-05:00

So… It has been awhile since we have had an updated blog. I apologize. My tardiness in posting a blog is inexcusable and is a disrespectful display against our scared domain. If there was an excuse for my lateness it would be the sensitivity surrounding the subject that I wish to discuss. Racism.

Unless you live in a barn you have surely heard about Michael Richards’ recent racist tirade. This rant has sparked a debate among all races regarding the use of the N-word and other racially offensive words. I am not going to pretend that those reading this blog have no idea what those words are, nor will I be even more naïve to assume that those reading this blog have never spoken a racially insensitive word in his/her life. The issue I have and desire to discuss is the level of comfort some individuals possess when speaking in such racially insensitive terms.

We have all been in this situation. The situation where someone chooses to tell a racial joke or begins a sentence with, “I’m not a racist but . . .” I personally hate those situations. I usually choose to respectfully listen and give my nervous laugh but inside I am anxious with uneasiness. Is there an etiquette rule in this situation? How do you tell your friend, uncle, taxi driver, etc. that you do not approve of what they are saying? I guess what bothers me the most in these situations is how those who choose to speak in racially insensitive terms are not concerned that the person(s) to whom they are speaking with might not be comfortable hearing those words.

The easy thing to do in this situation if you are the one hearing the racially insensitive comments would be to ignore them. To ignore the comments spoken would avoid an awkward confrontation ending in a lesson on racial sensitivity or anger fueled by embarrassment. Also, to ignore the comments spoken would allow the offending individual to continue his/her life comfortably speaking in offensive and racial terms. However, you are still sitting there feeling uncomfortable. Ignoring your lack of comfort in these situations defeats the purpose of the feeling. You are supposed to feel uncomfortable in these situations. If you do not, there is a problem.

There is a reason you feel uncomfortable. The uncomfortable feeling one gets in these situations is the cue to speak up. All that needs to be said is, “I am uncomfortable with your comments.” No self righteousness needs to coincide with the comment nor is this an opportunity to get on a soap box. With those six words you have the opportunity to change another person’s perspective. And now you have made the offending individual uncomfortable and maybe next time he/she will not be so comfortable speaking such offensive language.

Let's Rohm these streets.

2006-11-12T13:34:00.000-05:00

The crunch of leaves beneath my Pumas quickens, as I come upon previously undiscovered Mt. Washington alley. The excitement brought by this happenstance revelation of a hitherto unbeknownst street, like that of an archeologist tripping over a brachiosaurus skull on his back patio, is even more pronounced now that I have lived in this neighborhood for some years. It never ceases to amaze that new streets, alleys, and ways are still being unearthed right outside our doors. As the Brain Trust’s undisputed cartographer I attempt to put down on two dimensional paper that which exists on this mountain in a dizzying 3-D panorama. The discovery of these hidden gems of paved connectors has fueled further research both as a pedestrian in search of lovely walking paths, and in adding to an exhaustive geographical understanding of this domain. As such I have compiled a list of some of my current favorite walking routes:

Sewer Way- A lovely way that extends parallel to Olympia Street. In reality it is a straight line extension of Olympia Road, (not to be confused with Olympia Street) a thoroughfare that was only later so named, most likely because the respectable residents of Chatham Village would never live on Sewer Road; but they do.

Piado Way- I love alleys like Piado. It stretches for 1 full city block between Olympia St. and Hallock St. Amazing. Octave Way and Alta St. are a similarly wonderful tracts spanning the length of 1 block between Hallock and Meridan, down by Olympia Park.

Off of Alta in both directions you find a lovely oddity of Mt. Washington geography called Athlone Way. Athlone Way is fabulous because it is a “No Outlet” street in two directions, accessible only via Alta St. It has a wonderful display of garbage cans, garages, retaining walls and fences. On the terminal south end there is an estimable tree with four trunks worthy of note. But what makes Athlone really special, is that it is a split road. While having no outlets south of Virginia Ave., it restarts on the North side of Virginia calling itself Athlone Street. It is impossible, therefore, to travel from beginning to end of Athlone, a characteristic shared by Sycamore and Piermont as well. Athlone Street can be accessed on either end via either the treacherous Piermont Street or by Beam Way, which is a tiny turd of a road that serves only to connect Athlone to Meriden. Athlone St. has a quaint view of the Olympia valley, Chatham Village, and also the tops of the USX Steel Building and the Mellon Building downtown.

But the featured alley of this post is the unparalleled (not literally, actually many streets run parallel to it) Rohm Way. When traveling up Rohm Way from Virginia Ave, this pot hole strewn road appears to go on forever. It has an eerie and lovely display of street lights. Then it gracefully and elegantly meets up with Piado way (see above.)

Rohm way is particularly interesting because of its unusual name. Pronounced both “ROM” and “ROME” by various residents, the origin of the name is shrouded in ignorance. I have no certain information to alleviate the aforementioned ignorance, but will supply a fair amount of conjecture in hoping to formulate a reasonable explanation for the name, through the process of elimination.

The most famous Rohm is the vile Ernst Rohm. This alleged homosexual pedophile was one of Hitler’s army officers and chief organizer of the Nazi storm troopers. Only NAMBLA (the North Americal Man/Boy Love Association) would name such a quaint alley after him.

The second most famous Rohm is Elisabeth Rohm. This former blonde Law & Order prosecutor was unceremoniously fired, her last lines being “Is this because I’m a Lesbian?” Which was odd, being that this subplot was evidently never even touched upon in the whole course of her tenure on the show. The street was thankfully not named after her.

The street is also not named after origami master Fred Rohm, nor B-movie starlet Maria Rohm, famous for appearing nude, then being murdered in most of her films. It is unlikely that contemporary figures like the unpopular novelist Wendy Goldman Rohm, Clear Channel regional VP John Rohm, or bartender trainer Chuck Rohm were deserving of the honor (though if any of you are able to contact me I would greatly appreciate it). Nor are the various companies with no Pittsburgh ties, like Rohm and Haas, and Rohm American. More promising possibilities include Dr. Joe Rohm a music professor of piano and jazz who has had a tenuous relationship with the University of Pittsburgh, or WWII vet Dave Rohm who was a medaled POW. Currently, Pittsburgh has Dr. John G. Rohm, the most recent in multiple generations of Rohm dentists, who were perhaps beloved enough to garner their name on a street sign. There is also an artist/sculptor famous enough to have his works displayed in the Guggenheim and the Pennsylvania Academy who may be worthy of the title, though being born in Cincinnati, Ohio, I banish the thought.

In fact, there have been Rohms and Roehms of German decent in the Pittsburgh region since the mid-1800’s as grave markers in Ridgelawn Cemetery and United Cemetery attest. But my top pick goes to a heroic Civil War veteran, originally of Juniata county, Ferdinand Frederick Rohm (b. 1864) who received one of the only 64 Medals of Honor bestowed upon Pennsylvanians in the war, for courageously remaining behind, under enemy fire, to attend to and remove an injured soldier from “great danger.” This alley deserves a patriarch as noble as this figure. Even if new information would come to light explaining who the real Rohm was, I would respectfully tell them to “shove it,” preferring to believe my explanation instead. The truth is probably much more pedestrian, and perhaps the mystery of the name makes the alley even more romantic. I encourage all to walk up this alley, preferably after dark to get the full effect, and remember all of those Rohms who this street may or may not be named after.

Blogging, judging, voting, etc.

2006-11-06T22:55:00.000-05:00

I have to be honest, I never wanted to write a blog. The thought of it kind of freaks me out. This is the same person that loved to write journals but then got paranoid about the thought of people reading them, so then she stopped. I wasn’t even worried about people I knew reading them. It’s weirder than that. I was thinking that 20 years after I died, a great-granddaughter that I never really knew would find my journals and judge me.

So a blog… Do you know that once something is posted to the Internet, the image of it can never be deleted? I don’t know if that’s true, but I think I heard it on Law and Order.It’s enough to make you think - what if you wanted to take over the world, but when you’re making your bid for domination some geek finds the blog your wrote about [insert offensive topic here] and there goes that. No more world power. Think about it….

In any case, I like the thought of mocking blogs more than I do writing them. It’s just easier to do. Something about judging is really appealing.

Which leads me to the real subject of my blog, judging, voting and the power of the people.

As you all know, the MWBT&PC attempted a voter registration drive up on the Mount. The success of the drive aside, it was still an enlightening experience. I encountered people refusing to register because they were afraid of being called up for jury duty. Ironically enough, the idea that not registering to vote gets you off jury duty is false. State courts use driver registration lists. Which means that registered or not, you might be called for jury duty if you can drive. But I digress…

How frightening is that that a person may suppress their own right to vote because they are afraid of being on a jury? A jury!! Sure, it could be an inconvenience and you have no idea if you get to be called on an interesting case or a complete snoozefest. But that’s irrelevant. Being on a jury is a powerful thing. Women and minorities had to fight to get that power. The government today keeps getting more and more intrusive, as we stand aside thinking we’re powerless to say a darn thing.

Jury duty gives the people a direct check against the government. For example, say you get called to a jury because a criminal defendant made the rare decision to go to trial. That means that the government actually has to prove to you, and several other people that are nothing like you, that they really have the right person. Even if they do have the right person, you may decide that this act is not worthy of punishment. Or you think that the government should have done things differently and you acquit. Or you decide that the government is correct, and you want to send a message to people who affect your community negatively so you punish. Regardless of the outcome, you have power. Your voice is heard in a more intimate and immediate way than even voting in an election. To the people in that courtroom, your opinion could constitute the difference between a life in prison or being free. FREE! And not in the lofty and arrogant, we should fight to give these people freedom but in the immediate, “I don’t have to live behind bars” kind of free.

We have to overcome this negative image of jury duty. Because realistically, it is mostly the lower class that limits its power by refusing to speak out on elections and refusing to speak on juries. It’s ironic, considering that the lower class is more often personally affected by decisions made by an intruding government and the lower class is more likely to be in a courtroom - as a criminal defendant.

In the spirit of the (nasty) midterm elections, let’s give our community some power and promote the importance of voting AND being on a jury. I mean, how else are we going to get Mt Washington to secede and become its own city with its own mayor? That’s a big step on the road to world domination. Think about it….

Marie

2006-11-06T21:43:00.001-05:00

Mount Washington Brain Trust & Pipe Club (sans The Kernal who is taking the photo)

2006-11-06T21:42:00.000-05:00

M.W.B.T. & P.C. in action

2006-11-06T21:40:00.001-05:00

Lord Johnson and Chairman Tom are blown away by the brilliance of yet another amazing idea.

2006-11-06T21:37:00.001-05:00

The Captain and Lady Rivera contemplate a golden idea.

A Brief History of a blog entry

2006-10-17T15:50:00.000-04:00

I’ll be honest. I have felt like crap the last week. I haven’t been able to put together a coherent string of thoughts, much less a complete blog entry. Every time I have gotten started on a topic, my bad mood has just taken over and it’s spiraled into a pit of negativity. Maybe it was because all the topics I was thinking about related to local politics.

It started on a Monday.

Actually it was a Sunday. It started with the vibrating of a cell phone. “The blog is up. You have one week.” Finally my time to shine had arrived. Since the idea of a group blog had been presented, ideas had been drifting through my head. Alas, it was Sunday, and I was mildly hung over, and the Steelers were playing that night. Not a day to do much.

Monday I decided that my entry would be about the stupidity of the North Shore connector of the T. I came to the coffee shop following a shortened workday and hunkered down to do some serious research. Most of the research consisted post-gazette.com articles and letters to the editor. Opinions were generally split between two camps.

1.) This is a stupid idea that should be changed.
2.) This is a stupid idea, but we can’t change it or we lose the federal funding, so quit whining and accept it. If you didn’t like it you should have done something 8 years ago when it was initially brought up.

I won’t go deeply into my opinions because they are convoluted at their best and resort to childish name calling at their worst. One quote that just keeps going through my head is “A town with money is kind of like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows where he got it, and danged if he knows how to use it.” That conveniently comes from the monorail episode of the Simpsons. Anyway, needless to say the more I read, the more frustrated I got, and the less I wanted to discuss this topic.

By Tuesday I had decided that the smoking ban would be an excellent discussion topic. The Mount Washington Pipe Club and Brain Trust has discussed this extensively as has everybody else. The hard part of this topic is expanding my firm basic opinion beyond extending my support for the bill as it was passed by the Allegheny county council. There should be no indoor smoking in public places. This is the direction the country is going in, and Pittsburgh can either show some initiative and join in early, or bicker about details for a couple of years until a state or national law is in effect. Despite the recent progression, I still don’t have much faith that the latter won’t become what happens. But again that discussion would just sound negative.

By Wednesday I was thinking about just writing some tersely worded letters to Lawrenceville officials about dangerous driving spots near my house. The main problem with that is that it really isn’t interesting to anybody. Not even to me, the writer.

By Thursday I had slipped into procrastination mode and actually chose to do work and exercise to avoid thinking about topics to write.

Friday was the weekend. Time to party. I’d earned it.

Saturday I went to a wedding and was to busy eating and drinking and doing poor Mick Jagger impersonations to get anything done.

Sunday was a necessary day of recovery, accompanied by a dominant Steelers victory. That put an end to my dreams of writing an entry about firing Cowher, starting Charlie Batch, and basically rehashing every stupid argument I’ve heard on Pittsburgh sports talk radio of how to solve the Steelers problems.

Monday I decided to just do a brief recap of ideas of the past week. That, which is this, still didn’t come out so well. Oh well, a blog should be more about opening up topics for discussion than a direct display of opinions.

It comes in threes

2006-10-07T22:24:00.000-04:00

This blog, the first one written on the Mt. Washington Brain Trust and Pipe Club blogsite is in response to the three school shootings that have occurred in the past two weeks; Bailey, Colorado – 6 dead, Cazenovia, Wisconsin – 1 dead (school principal), and Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania – currently 5 dead. The most recent act of violence on school property took the lives of 5 Amish children. As a person with ties to “Amish Country” it deeply saddens me that an innocent and timeless community such as this has been affected by mainstream society’s desire to protect guns over every other human right including life. Sadly, we live in a society that has become desensitized to the news that yet another school shooting as occurred. How many individuals out there reading this knew that this most recent shooting in a school was the seventieth act of its kind in just this school year?

I have heard a variety of opinions on the matter. Many people have questioned safety in the school. Some have even suggested that maybe it is time for teachers to be carrying guns in school. (Yes, because that is how we solve problems in America.) Very few seem to have the opinion that there is a correlation between the rise in school shootings and the easy access Americans have to guns. In this country the federal government resorts to wiretapping in order to keep us safe from the evil fascist terrorist who wish to do us harm. In this state the government is attempting to pass a ban on smoking in order to protect us from the cigarettes that may potentially kill us. However, the subject matter of gun control is a very disputed and volatile topic. Some Americans will defend this right to the point of nonsensical jargon.

I have been told that we (Americans) have the right to own guns in order to protect ourselves. Even though I disagree strongly with this point, being a twenty-six year old woman who has managed in life without a gun, I would like to make it clear that I do not wish to take away American’s right to bear arms. I do however wish for more focus in this country to be on the regulations of gun ownership in order to prevent gun violence. That focus has to start with our government. As of September 2004 the federal assault weapons ban was allowed to “sunset.” This ban stopped the production of semi-automatic assault weapons and ammunition clips holding more than 10 rounds except for military or police use. Traditional guns designed for hunting and recreational activities would not be affected by this ban. Citizens of the Commonwealth may be interested to find out that Pennsylvania currently does not require buyers to obtain a handgun license or undergo any type of safety training prior to buying a handgun. Guns are also not required to be registered in our state. Therefore, the police have no idea how many guns could be in our neighborhoods. There is also no waiting period on gun sales in the state of Pennsylvania. Since there is no waiting period, police are not given any additional time to conduct further background checks. And lastly, there are no state restrictions on the amount of guns an individual can buy at one time.

I believe that by making stricter gun control laws we can lessen violence in this country. I would like to make it more difficult for individuals to obtain guns. Yes, this may mean that the little guy becomes inconvenienced; however, there are many individuals out there getting their hands on guns that should not be. From what we currently know the shooter in the Amish community had a history of mental illness. He also reportedly had a history involving the molestation of children (The inadequate sex offender laws topic will be saved for another blog). Individuals with this kind of mental heath history should not have such easy access to a gun. Sure, a person who wants a gun will get a gun. But does it have to be so easy for them?

If this is an issue that concerns you and you would like to make a difference please contact your state officials.

Pennsylvania State Officials:

Edward Rendell – Governor
225 Main Capitol Building
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120-0002

Wayne D. Fontana - State Senator for Pennsylvania district 42
Senate Box 203042
185 Capitol Building
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120

Jake Wheatley -State Representative for Pennsylvania district 19
Irvis Office Building, Room 224
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120-2020

Michael B. Diven - State Representative for Pennsylvania district 22
East Wing, Room 164
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120-2020

Thomas C. Petrone - State Representative for Pennsylvania district 27
Irvis Office Building, Room 202
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17120-2020